Monday Ranting: Who Wants to be Popular Anyway

kanye-donaldOver the past few days I’ve come across folk on the innerwebs casting their votes for non-political unpopular opinions.  Because I like lists and sometimes following a trend I said Faith, do it!  Since I listen to myself all if not most of the time, here’s my list of non-political unpopular opinions cause why not and shyt:

  1. Beards do not make everyone look good.  Sometimes ugly cannot be cured but the world still goes round.  Look what I’m saying is that even if Flavor Flav had the luxurious chin hair of the Philly Beard Gawds he would still look like a roach perched on a clock.  I have nothing against Flavor Flav but ugly is as ugly does.  He’s probably a great person.
  2. Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches are craptastic. I said it and I meant it.  No one, not even a prisoner, should ever eat this filth.  The peanut butter sticks to the roof of your mouth requiring the absolute most hydration from your beverage of choice and then you add a fresh dollop of gelatinous goo also known as jelly.  Who invented this edible torture chamber?  I pass and I pass again because my bologna has a first name…that too is disgusting but I digress.
  3. Kevin Hart isn’t funny…fight me! Look Kevin Hart used to be funny back when men used to wear pants that fit.  He is a little man with a big personality, so he’s entertaining but he isn’t bust a gut funny anymore.  This comes from a place of love and admiration.  His last stand up effort left me underwhelmed and butt hurt…stadium seats aren’t that comfy.
  4. Most people aren’t interesting. I mean some people are interesting.  But let’s face it, everyone is not winning in all the categories of life.  In this world of sin we have all kinds of people and the vast majority are just regular, hella ordinary everyday folk.  There isn’t anything wrong with that but in the words of my little sister, there’s a lot of super regulars in the house tonight.  She has a point and shyt.
  5. Only cute babies are cute. Every child should be someone’s angel but that doesn’t make them someone’s prize.  I love all babies, because I have a thing for that new baby smell.  It makes me smile regardless of the level of cute the baby happens to be.  For instance my favorite un-cute but slightly cute baby was a cousin of mine I called Dobby.  He really did look like Dobby from under the stairs but he always hugged me with intensity and had the most darling eyes…might have been because I have big knockers and he felt a warmth his mother didn’t possess.  Any who…all babies aren’t cute.
  6. Money can make you happy.  Do you know how much unhappiness I had as a result of being moderately poor?  Moderately poor is the type of poor where you choose between paying a utility bill and eating ramen for the rest of the month.  It is not on the street never knowing when or if you will have a meal because your mind is ravaged by mental illness, it is run of the mill poor where you still have a life but your shyt just ain’t straight.  That life cure is money, either having access to more or spending less on frivolous items to keep up with other people who are also on the fringe of a country without a home.  Just saying, there are a lot of unhappy people that money could help.  I’m just the messenger, don’t shoot.
  7. Social Media has actually made me closer to my family and sometimes I don’t like it. Don’t take this the wrong way I love my family to pieces.  They are the few people I want to share a whole meal of food with and kick the actual factuals, however, I don’t want to know all of their business.  Sometimes I don’t need to know about the 105th time your “brilliant” child stuck a crayon in his ear.  It’s technically only cute the 95th time, any time after that is just overkill.  I also, while slightly entertained, find it egregious for people who have each other’s phone number to post semi private grown folk talk on their social media for the world to comment.  You’re not in high school.   We all know you’ve had relations.
  8. Self-checkout is the debil. I do not work in retail…any longer so I don’t want to shop, ring, and bag my own items.  Me just wants to shop!  I don’t work for you Bullseye Boutique.  I shop here because I detest the lines at Wal-Mart.   The ‘Mart may also be a sweatshop plus I prefer Target’s red to Wal-Mart’s blue.  But what I don’t prefer is that 4 register abyss you call self-checkout.  I ain’t bout that life.
  9. Self-checkout might be the debil but automated menus are the seven layers of hades come to life. Automated menus have taught me that I have an unrecognizable accent that only breathing folk can decipher and it’s called human. Automated menus only help to increase my level of disdain making it that much worse for the real person who has to deal with me after I’ve cycled through 12 layers of I’m sorry would you repeat that, I didn’t quite understand.  Of course you don’t Robo-Help cause this ain’t your place.  FOH with that bullshyt.
  10. If your sign says 50% off of your entire purchase don’t fine print me department stores. I want to come into your establishment place everything my shop-a-holic heart wants in my cart and leave only paying half.  Don’t hit me with the flim flam flummox of shopping.  Oh I can’t get this Marc Jacobs bag for half off…eff this whole establishment!

But what says you Lovelies.  Speak on it in the comments.  What are your top non-political unpopular opinions that might earn you a sharp side eye?  Remember to share is to care and hashish!

P.S. Kanye can be both a musical genius and batshyt cray cray!  I’m just saying.

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Comments
One Response to “Monday Ranting: Who Wants to be Popular Anyway”
  1. iamdashsr says:

    I can agree with all but #2… but I really like peanut butter and jelly. Can’t wait to see the next one of these. Thanks for sharing.

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