Monday Ranting: An Epidemic of Side Chicks

This is what happens when you make someone a priority that's made you an option...

This is what happens when you make someone a priority that’s made you an option…

Over the past few years I’ve noticed behavior and phraseology that agitates my colon. Everywhere I turn its side chick this and side chick that…when did being a side chick of any kind become the bees knees? I’m concerned and confused! It doesn’t surprise me that menfolk want their cake and eat it too but chicks are happily ascending to the throne of the heaux. It makes me sad on the inside. iCry for the loss of female integrity. True whoring is the oldest profession, one that will exist as long as coochie currency has value, but seeking out a life space of ho-shyt boggles the mind. No one wants to be a teacher, lawyer, hell a cashier at the Bull’s-eye Boutique? Or maybe I’m more frustrated because these delusional hookers don’t know their places. Maybe I want the jezebels of yesteryear who moved in silence rarely upsetting seemingly happy homes.

From the Olivia Popes of the world to gutter butt skanks on Love & Hip Hop side chicks continue to be all the rage. It’s a bit baffling. Not that girls who do something strange for a little change are popular with men…but that they are also popular with the women. So popular in fact that slut like activities are mainstream. Just the other day Wander shared with me that one of the chicks on her team at work proudly told everyone she spent her tax return on a portable pole. This signifies a host of other issues that I can’t delve into right now. Do her kids have college funds? I could be judging her…maybe she picked up a pole simply for its abdominal benefits, Yo no se! I’m not even mad at her enthusiasm for shaky butts, I’ve confessed to my slight obsession with twerking, but more so because of the ease with which she casually discussed her ho-shyt. With co-workers nonetheless, these people are only good for sharing cubicle walls.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude. It’s not an adjective I’ve ever heard anyone use to describe me, but I do believe it means something to be a lady. A woman of class doesn’t mean you’re afraid to be secksual. It simply means that what you do privately with whomever you choose stays that way…and maybe you wear skirts and dresses. I kid I kid…slightly. It’s troubling that there are groups of females who proudly don the moniker, side chick. They have mottos, probably even clubs. I wouldn’t know for sure but I do know I blame this on a few side chicks escaping their boundaries and stealing wife status, Alicia Keys, running around giving false hope to a generation of worthless whores. On top of that, respectable women (I shutter even typing that) are out here giving passes, as if it’s cool to ignore the heauxs in our midst.

No one used to celebrate sloppy ho-shyt. In years prior it was definitely a negative thing to chex another woman’s husband. Today, whole shows are written about wayward whores and no one even blinks an eye. On top of no eye blinking there’s troves of Internet trolls who STAN unequivocally for women whose names are synonymous with doing dirt. And I wish I could say these women of ill repute only existed online. Sadly it’s not true. I legit know females who partake quite heavily in the ho life space. And partake happily with no intention to upgrade to wife status. Maybe I know hoes. In some respect they enjoy the strings free approach of being standby coochie. I’m not here to judge but it has to be a flawed existence to feel you’re worth no more than a late night text message or a whispered conversation the day after Christmas. What life is that?

I guess there’s some benefit to never dealing with the everyday ins and outs of a relationship. Allegedly sidepieces get all the benefits and none of the bullshyt. Sounds like nirvana except it’s a lie. If a man’s cheating with you and dishing out all the negative ish he as to deal with from his wife over pillow talk, bish you’re just a low budget therapist that gives happy endings. More or less the reason why you’re so “fun” or “peaceful” or whatever line he fed you, is because there’s no responsibility attached to your “relationship.” In a nutshell, you’re a friend with benefits. And we all know that deal is about convenience and availability. Denial is not just a river in Egypt, and telling oneself that existing as the other is what’s it’s made for sounds almost like telling me you strip because you like it. Something’s broken…and broken on both sides of this jacked up spectrum. These side chicks are just as delusional as the sister-wives who accept them. There is no such thing as a drama free relationship with someone who’s low-key committed to someone else. That’s a recipe for hurt feelings and broken windows. Not saying I’m speaking from experience but I do know that hurt people hurt people and folk really don’t take kindly to community peen, especially if she didn’t sign up for it.

Here’s the thing, if side chicks didn’t want to be main chicks why step from the shadows? They want respect? From whom I ask? From whom? No wife should accept a traveling peen nor the whore who rides the train. Owning your position as standby cunny is one thing but actually expecting someone to pin a rose on your nose for it, is a step in the absolute wrong direction. There isn’t anything remotely respectable about a woman who has so little reverence for herself she’s saved in a man’s phone as PTP or Part Time Pucci. Someone missed a hug in her youth…I could go on forever here Lovelies but I think I’ve monopolized too much of your day already. Any opinions on our growing culture of side chicks, do tell! Speak on it in the comments and as always to share is to care and hashish.

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