Monday Ranting: Death Be a Lace Front

Beauty hurts, look at her edges and you see years of pain.  No T No Shade!

Beauty hurts, look at her edges and you see years of pain. No T No Shade!

I’m not a woman for the Yaki. In my life, I’ve had two weaves that I can remember. Neither of which lasted more than a week. Each looked like a less attractive version of my own hair, in my mind pointless. I’m hair vain. I’m that girl, the one who checks her reflection in anything giving me mirror t’s to ensure no strand is left unplaced. Weave is not for the kid. At the same token I do not side eye nor judge (at least not outwardly) the choices of my peers. Those following the Thundergoat school of thought, scalps be damned, love Andalusian virgin hair. Weaves are the best thing since wrapped gum…or so I hear in these streets. Seldom what I hear in these streets applies to my everyday life. iStruggle! Rarely and I mean very rare, have I seen a weave that didn’t look like a weave (once weave because hella popular looking like weave became less criminal) or present battered and abused. Both scenarios agitate my colon and leave me icky about my skin. I know not why this ill kept and distasteful looking practice reigns supreme. Beyond being less than aesthetically pleasing, recent reports indicate weave isn’t even that safe. Much like smoking, I am at a loss. I begs for some insights por favor y gracias!

Of late, Countess Vaughn has taken the stage screaming her edges are no country for lace fronts, and rightfully so considering her five year abusive relationship with the weave. When you say “the weave” it makes it sound like “the drugs” and we all know the drugs are bad for your complexion. Underneath the Brazilian wet n wavy evil lurks. As the world turns, Countess developed a nasty skin infection on her scalp from sporting a lace front. She went so far as to say that even after she knew the lace front was indeed the culprit she couldn’t de-weave. Six months passed with pus oozing sores and foul smells permeating from her head before she decided removing the weave was necessary. Far from me to pass judgment but uh there ain’t nary a thing I’d knowingly allow to ruin my appearance short of chemo. The big C gets my respects. This is a symptom of a larger problem.

Somewhere deep below the surface lies a poor unfortunate soul. Countess describes being unable to remove the lace front because she tied her self worth to the fake hair. I guess lace fronts and the perm are twisted sisters. After ladies jumped off the creamy crack wagon they hitched a ride on the weave train and have yet to look back. I’m concerned and confused. I know somewhere in here lies a woman not fully comfortable in her own skin too busy consuming others notions of what makes her beautiful. But at what cost are women and girls subjecting themselves to standards of beauty that weren’t ever developed to include them? When will we embrace our own individual beauty and scoff at the naysayers. There is nothing more attractive than a fully confident person.

But I’m off that soapbox, hell everyone has a sob story. On a less we are the world note, what the uck dude? I wish a bish would walk past me with the funk scalp and I say nothing. How bad must an oozing scalp ulcer smell sitting up under a nasty lace front? iCan’t and iWon’t with these “bad” bishes and their out the basement hairstyles. I blame the influx of weaves on laziness and poor life choices. How hard is it to manage one’s own hair? No you might not look like these video girls but guess what you won’t have, the funk scalp and scarce edges. In my mind that’s more important than walking around looking like delusional males’ masturbatory fantasies. I could be wrong. I also don’t struggle with insecurity. I give less than an uck about what other people think as long as I think I look good. It’s call self-confidence…confidence of your effing self. Word? Word!

While Countess sits atop her death to lace front pulpit I would ask that she gut check her sister in arms Lil Mo and her wayward yellow hairhat. Friends don’t let friends rock tattered lace fronts. It is far more understandable for Peaches from up the street who gets her hair tossed in a poorly lit basement to have haphazard tracks but there is no reason whatsoever for folks of coin to look out the basement. It irks my soul and agitates my heart to see verklemptness about someone’s head. It’s truly truly truly outrageous. I give half passes for neighborhood girls who lack the good sense God gave a billy goat but there is no excuse for women of a certain age and status. My inability to be outwardly negative keeps my tongue in check but believe I encounter no less than 2-3 women a day who’ve fallen victim to a bad Azerbaijan hairhat. Some things you can’t un-see. Beauty hurts!

Maybe I’m too harsh. Clearly I’m biased but I will never fully understand the attraction to the weave. They’re ok at best and even when done well still give off the perception (to me) that someone is trying hard to be someone she’s not. Don’t get me wrong every once and awhile being me is a drag but most days I’m happy in the skin I’m in and that includes the hair on my head. I’m not looking for a piece of virgin Malaysian Remi (is this real?) to define my self-worth. Hell despite my hair vanity I know I am not my hair. But what says you Lovelies, do you frequent the weave-ologist? Are your hard earned coins going to ladies in India? If you wear weave, how do you protect your edges? From the men, what are your thoughts on the weave? As always to share is to care and hashish!

3 Responses to “Monday Ranting: Death Be a Lace Front”
  1. iamdashsr says:

    As a man… I have never been a fan of weaves and I am even less a fan of wigs. Now with that being said I know each serve a purpose, just like you said in the case of cancer but to self inflect the thought that you might have cancer on yourself (to me at least) by buying a cheap wig and or as you said getting a basement weave… I call party foul! Again, to me there is nothing more beautiful then a woman with her own hair. I will admit I am more biased and do like natural hair but that does not stop me from appreciating someone who has her own hair and maintains it, well. In thinking back to Countess’ situation I guess Linus would be proud of her, at least she got to wear her security blanket on her head and it seemed way more socially acceptable.

    • Faith M. says:

      LMAO @wearing her security blanket on her head!!! This tickles my funny bone. I am biased as well. Me and the weave aren’t friends. Every style I’ve seen with a weave I’ve also seen someone accomplish without. Granted everything isn’t for everyone. Life is full of limitations. Somethings that others can do you can’t and the same goes for hair. Everyone isn’t going to have tresses down her back – and what I say to that is work with what you’ve been given. Clearly I am in the minority. Folks on FB had to let me know that weave and laziness don’t go hand in hand. I begs to differ but again I consider a lot of things lazy that people rationalize as something else.

      On another note I too am a fan of natural styles. It’s healthier for your hair but I will jump off my soapbox.

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