Pop Culture Fridays: Mama’s Baby, Papa’s Maybe…

One wonders if this poster hangs on the wall of every jump off around the world...

One wonders if this poster hangs on the wall of every jump off around the world…

Yesterday while innawebs strolling (it’s cold as a mutha-effer out of doors) I happened upon an article on Madame Noire about Ludacris and his wayward peen. The post itself was just ok and the comment section was basically more of the same, complaints about men keeping their johnsons home. Wouldn’t that be a wonderful life? What I found most interesting was a comment left by a male reader that said,” Throughout the history of civilization no race of men has embraced their bastard kids the way men embrace their kids produced through a union…This is a fact. If a man loves the woman he will love the child. If he doesn’t love the woman there’s a 50/50 chance he won’t love the child…When a man is not involved with the baby mama and child that’s nothing more than a financial and responsibility abortion. You cannot force men into bootleg families. Men will stand up for and stand by a woman he’s committed to and love the kids of the relationship he loves.”

Word? Word!

Ain’t that some shyt! Yeah I would have said hashish but it just felt more appropriate to call a spade a spade in light of that revelation. Initially it struck me as fuzzy male logic whereby gents abscond responsibilities they’d rather not own, as if responsibilities slosh off your body like the dirt of the day with a hot shower. However, after carefully thinking it through it makes sense generally. There are exceptions to every rule. Not that I want to agree but I think historically and present day dating and mating gives us so many examples of this tomf*ckery that we can’t ignore what’s right in our faces. Remember when someone shows you who he is, believe him the first time, it’s much less painful that way.

Now the other Madame Noire readers were very much verklempt. There was one in particular that felt this was just another way for men to blame women for their slip ups and falls downs. Men fall down but they get up…digressing. Rationalizing children like this was a way for men to point their fingers outwards refusing to accept responsibility for little head thinking. I don’t see it that way. Nowhere in the comment did the man indicate that this was right, simply that this is. And honestly can we argue that it isn’t. Not that we should use this group of folk I’m about to reference as role models but the point drives home if you think of this in the context of American slavery, hell slavery in general. Slave owners always had chil’en with their conquests and concubines (sometimes chicks were down for the get down) but those chil’en never ate at the family table. Why? Because Massa was just f*cking them hoes he was gone get right back. Children are blessings to those folk who want to be parents and simply little people to those unwilling to take responsibility.

Don’t get me wrong I think the premise is craptastic. It screams of irresponsibility, and just because a man views his lust-child as an accident doesn’t actually make it one nor void responsibility. Accidental babies faded away with the flip phone. It’s disgusting for a man to lay with a woman and create a child leaving a young mother to be pappy. Isn’t this how we create a race of babies that hate the ladies? I could be wrong but Tupac said it so it must be true. I’m not pulling out my female victim card here either, because both sides share the blame evenly, condoms are free and pulling out is not birth control! However, short of hole-poked contraceptives, turkey baster sperm sponsorship, and/or faulty latex unwanted babies are here due to irresponsibility. Being irresponsible is not an accident. You don’t accidently not pay your bills, you intentionally make a conscious decision not to do what is required, much like forgoing a condom. This is tomf*ckery at its absolute best. If you’re secksing unprotected you consciously subconsciously want a whole child.

Part of the comment that gnaws at me the most, “Men will…love the kids of the relationship he loves.” So basically progeny love is not biological in nature passed from father to son. Instead love is very much a choice when it comes to offspring, one that men select dependent upon the relationship with the mother. That’s some thought provoking arse hashish. It means that men do not experience a burst of emotional euphoria once a baby’s head crowns? A few years back Mr. Money Earnin’ said this to me and I argued against it vehemently despite my childlessness. It just didn’t resonate with me that a man could un-love his child at birth. Granted Mr. Money Earnin’ didn’t say this love depended on his feelings for the mother but in hindsight this was probably the missing link in my ability to understand his premise. At the time of our discussion there is no doubt in my mind that Mr. Money Earnin’ had fully developed love emoticons for his kid, but at birth maybe rockiness/uncertainty for his child’s mother clouded his ability to initially love his kid. That’s both cray cray and sad. I mean I’m not saying you’re obligated to like those tiny persons but you can love someone you don’t like.

If I were asked to dissect this idea I think much of this male disconnection has a lot to do with how men view women. It comes back to a little thing I call the good girl bad girl dynamic. Men see women not in varying shades of gray but only in black and white. There are women they f*ck and women they marry. By extension women they marry have legitimate children who deserve love and support but not the other way round. Unfortunately the children of the women they f*ck suffer because of a superficial intellectual blind spot. While women recognize that men are whole flawed people, men do not see women in the same respect. The lack of respect men have for women allows them to see their own children as an extension resulting in absentee fathers both emotionally and financially. Tupac’s questions remain ever present, “I wonder why we take from our women…Do we hate our women?” This is troubling and disheartening at the same damn time.

Your love for a person should always be based on that person and in no way ever dependent upon your feelings for another. Men are interesting creatures…simple and confusing simultaneously. But what says you Lovelies. Speak on it in the comments do you believe the argument that if a man loves the mother of his child that love extends to his offspring? Do you think that if a man gives less than an eff about the mother of his children the children are gambling with his emoticons? What about the reverse of this situation, does the love a man has for his child positively or negatively influence his love for the mother? Do you think women have similar love requirements? As always to share is to care and hashish!

3 Responses to “Pop Culture Fridays: Mama’s Baby, Papa’s Maybe…”
  1. iamdashsr says:

    This sentence right here… “Initially it struck me as fuzzy male logic whereby gents abscond responsibilities they’d rather not own, as if responsibilities slosh off your body like the dirt of the day with a hot shower.” Damn Girl… Greatness.

    As a father of 3 I can firmly agree and disagree with the paragraph of loving a progeny… You, as a woman might never fully understand the lengths that some of the Bat Shit Crazy (Yeah I said it) **Runs and Hides** women will go to to trap and try to make a man love them. What they fail to realize is that if the relationship is tainted that taint will spill into EVERY aspect of dealing with that woman. Children included and especcially. Now… that I have that off my chest… I also know plenty of Men that have fathered children that could care less about the woman and do infact love there children as soon as they are born despite all and any Bat Shit Craziness that is the mother of the child. But, those men are fewer are farther in between, and is not the norm.

    Our society is way more accepting of men who shirk there responsibilities than of the men who actually “Man Up” and do right by their children. Now while a lot of this falls on the man… and rightfully so… Can we put some of the responsiblity back on the women that are pushing these men that “try” away?

    IJS, there are 2 sides to this coin… I mean I paid attention in health class no baby is made by one person alone.

    • Faith M. says:

      Welcome back IamDashSr(see that I got it right),

      I calls bullshyt women cannot make men love them. Men can be stupid and continue to spend segsi time with bat shyt crazy chicks (I hear the water down below is best in a crazy broad) but my dude that’s not a trap. You’re fully aware that homegirl has a screw loose and you choose to continue relations. You’ve entered at your own risk so bring ample protection. Now that in no way dissolves a woman’s responsibility from the situation either. The act of unprotected secks is an equally wrong act by both men and women. However, for men this is your only way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy so men should really take this oh so seriously. If you could give less than a shyt about a chick don’t employ the pull out method, you’re not only gambling with your life but your paycheck. Why would you leave your future in the hands of someone you don’t like and know full well is crazier than cat piss? Sounds like stupidity to me. While women still own the rights to child birth it would behoove men to be smarter about their raw dog selection.

      That in no way makes women right for dating ain’t-shyt dudes. Ladies need to be smarter too. If a dude already shows the signs of ain’t-shyt-ness these broads need to accept his ain’t-shyt-ness from jump street. Let’s be honest here women are delusional when it comes to thinking their personal brand of pucci can change a man. I don’t know why this is but hey there are also people who believe in Scientology so adults aren’t always the sharpest pencils. However, adult stupidity and irresponsibility should never negatively impact children. And that’s what this behavior does, it makes children suffer for the ills of their parents. No bueno!

      And you’re all the way right…dead beat dad is the same as saying oh those flowers are growing nicely, basically par for the course. To some extent I think people expect men to run away from their responsibilities. This is exactly why I gives no congratulations when men are like look I take care of my kids. In my mind I’m thinking bish you’re supposed to they’re your kids. But my dude a dead beat mom, that hooker is looked at like the devil came to sit at dinner. Double standards and ish…I don’t make them up I just write about them.

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