It’s My House and I Live Here Fridays: Testing the Waters

Yup this is what happened...

Yup this is what happened…well not really but it makes for good imagery!

Somewhere it says going on vacation for the first time with your significant other tests the relationship waters much like living together, shacking being the new marriage and all. Maybe the trip mirrors co-hab-ing in some odd way, me no know. For some strange reason my Present and I jumped head first into the deep end of the pool by combining both relationship quizzes into a few short months. Instead of letting the paint dry on the vacation to allow time to digest its slip ups and falls downs we smashed my family reunion (mother’s side), an extended beach weekend, and cohabitation into a few short months. That’s the way love goes…it’s the blinding force of it all that makes you feel invincible.

Let me back up a taste. Over the past few months my Present and I wrangled the idea of converting his and hers to ours. By my account a true compromise considering I still hold fast to Christian guilt, it’s the Baptist in me. He seemed 100 with joining forces in the 21st century way where we share furniture, dogs, and a bed without a ring. It does in some ways make it easier to do the things that lovers do without worrying whether your flat irons with the good charge are in the overnight bag. Just me, stop judging! But I figure convenience shouldn’t be the only reason to jump the cohabitation broom. I needed to find an equally fluff-filled rationalization to get me over the hump. By my account this will be the beginning of the beginning or the beginning of the end. There is but so long one should exist with the title girlfriend, no pressure.

Trust I’m in no rush to shackle myself to another person but I do feel that if it takes 10 years to decide a person is the one you’re probably lying to yourself, blocking your blessing by confusing what’s comfortable for what’s meant for your life. Wander, told me a long time ago when you know you know and that knowing doesn’t take a lifetime. Where our ideas diverge is her knowing at first sight…you know nothing at first sight about a person beyond your projections of him. Trusting projections will lead to hurt people, and hurt people hurt people. Right? Right!

But that was a divergence. My Present and I met in person one year to the day that a moving truck will pull up to our future home. It’s moving so fast and so slow at the same damn time. Our South Philly row home on the cusp of Graduate Hospital/Center City/The Hood is nothing special with the exception that it is everything special. My Present being more superstitious and sign oriented than my practical self feels this is yet another sign of God’s work or for the less religious amongst the readers, fate. There are no accidents. Every person you meet and every experience is purposeful. While we may not grasp their meanings immediately or even learn the lesson the first time, I trust that everything happens for a reason. So even if My Present isn’t my Future our relationship will be yet another tool to cobble me into the woman I was designed at birth to be, just as every relationship to date sculpted the woman my Present met.

Shortly before meeting my Present I remember spitting the actual factuals with Model Friend in her LA apartment. Specifically telling her that I didn’t know if I was built for a traditional relationship considering my purpose placed wall shielding my emoticons. I thoroughly dislike the wide open-ness of sharing feelings. While there is much to be gained there is much to be lost when one is vulnerable to another person. At that point in early July of 2012 sitting on Model Friend’s couch being fondled by her frisky cat I told her that I wasn’t sure if the pros would ever outweigh the cons. That judging by my inability to find comfort with any one person for an extended period coupled with my absolute distaste for being responsible for others’ emotions led me to believe a mingling single life space fit me best. And I have this annoying habit of getting bored quickly, don’t judge me. Of course the notion of 55 and dating did seem daunting. Not that there’s anything wrong with 55 and dating, hey cougars, but if you’re 55 and never been married or in a significant long term relationship people wonder on what level of crazy your bread is buttered. No need for added scrutiny.

Yet a little shy of a year later I’m waist deep in just the thing I protested against, hell fought against with almost every fiber of my being. File this under needing something that you don’t want. I’m a wholehearted believer that many things we want aren’t the things we need and vice versa. My pastor says it a little differently; everything that’s good to you isn’t always good for you. I’ll let that simmer.

I met my Present almost a year ago with an open mind and a guarded heart. Not ever imaging he’d ever play a staring role in my one woman show but here I stand planning family outings and thinking of color palettes that appease both of our aesthetics. I’ve settled in this role with ease I’d never imagine existed. In the past the idea of a long-term commitment to anyone beyond myself felt like losing a part of me which to some degree explains my prior selection of emotionally unavailable men, another story for another day. At times I still struggle with this notion, what it means to be in a union but still retain autonomy.

And I say all that to bring this post full circle. Our first “family” vacation puttered along quite nicely. We spent time clustered in a tiny room with a toddler and managed not to strangle one another. No petty arguments or I’ve spent so much time with you I hate the way you chew squabbles took place, so by all accounts we survived one of the many tests to prove a relationship has staying power. We agreed that our first vacation should be the first of many to Virginia Beach, as this is a trip my Present took with his family quite often as a child, remember his preoccupation with signs but I will play along this time. I was never fortunate enough to have an annual family event, but it seems all types of pleasant to start something new with something old.

For the sake of counting numbers and hashish we passed our “first” relationship test with flying colors. What other unknowns’ lie in couple-dom’s uncharted waters that test the strength of this relationship thing should I look forward to? As always Lovelies speak on it in the comments below. To share is to care and hashish.

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Comments
2 Responses to “It’s My House and I Live Here Fridays: Testing the Waters”
  1. The parallels….Lawd.
    & the convo w/my mama. Sigh…

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola A-weezy I’m happy to hear you and the Beau are still going strong 😀

      On the Mama front, I’m all types of sure that the greats have a unwritten manual in which they depart jewels to the future great mothers of the world. Someone has to hold the torch …

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