Monday Ranting: Mistaking Passion for Love

So one has to wonder is this torrid affair one based in Love or Passion...inquiring minds and hashish!!

So one has to wonder is this torrid affair one based in Love or Passion…inquiring minds and hashish!!

I once asked a question on Facebook about what was more important while dating & mating, compatibility or passion. This was a set up question because no one wants to look at her partner and think we sure are so compatible. It stinks of lackluster romance. I get it. Women especially dream of whirlwind romances akin to scenes in Titanic and other sappy completely unrealistic movies to sooth the inner cat woman soul. I’ve never been one of those chicks. Never been the girl looking for earth-quaking love because I’ve always been drawn (immaturely so) to men I was passionate about because initial passion just feels so damn good. The unfortunate thing about passion it doesn’t hold you at your weakest moment sans judgment the way love does. Knowing how fantabulous passion feels I do fully understand how it can be mistaken for that earth-quaking love. As a result many dating and mating folk are caught in an unfortunate web of passion when they’re really looking for love.

Passion will definitely have you effed up in the game. It can be just as all consuming as a love affair but there are some definite differences. Passion and Love spring from two separate and distinct places. While they mix it up at the cocktail party they each can go stag to the prom. It is up to you as an adult to determine which one you’re leaving with at the end of the night. Passion for lack of a learned explanation is a carnal emoticon. If you don’t believe me just think of some of the folks you’ve dated and/or mated who you’ve been passionate and only passionate about. Tell me what you liked the most about him? No go ahead I’ll wait. I’m sure none of it rings of he’s a nice person who remembers to recycle and volunteers with mute chipmunks. Nope none of that is what you recall about a passionate dating and mating partner. Going out on a limb here but I bet you loved that he was bowlegged…oh that’s just my tea, don’t judge me.

Love is a whole other story. It is as much a whirlwind force as Passion if not more however one of the exceptions is how it begins. Love is a cold and Passion is the flu. Love creeps up on you unsuspected and slowly releases into your system until it infects you completely. While the Flu smacks you out of nowhere and you’re infected immediately, no gestation period, time to think it through, or figure out what the eff just happened. Because love grows over time with true reflection answering the why becomes that much easier. But not only easier the answer oozes with depth unlike Passion. You don’t love someone because he has broad shoulders and a swimmers body; I’m just saying you don’t.

Another thing that separates Love and Passion, how long it lasts. Don’t get me wrong you can get totally swept up in a passionate affair that lifts you off your feet for years. The thing about this is much like an addiction to any drug; you’re always chasing the euphoria of the first high. Much of your time in the midst of the “romance” your feet are firmly planted on the ground and your time is futilely spent chasing the dragon. You’re always yearning to recapture the first time you saw the person and your breath left your mouth. The first time he touched your skin and you felt an electricity surge through your body so strong it almost seemed unreal. Who wouldn’t get addicted to the addiction of passion? And those that fall victim not only get addicted but also convince themselves that it is really love. Because if it isn’t love, why does it feel this way.

Unfortunately much like any addiction Passion will leave you by the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away, wasting time. Wasting time chasing a surreal high you’ll never revisit. It’s so seductive. Passion tricks you into believing that electricity, those lust filled urges that create late nights and early mornings are in fact Love. Granted it feels so effing good to be swaddled in the passion filled embraces but there’s also emptiness. An emptiness that spreads wide and glaringly reveals the incompatibility of pure passion. Passion forces walks of shames down alleys in yesterdays get em girl pumps wondering why you’re missing an earring and if you’ll ever get it back. Believe me I’ve hobbled back from this forlorn place far too many times not to understand how Passion ensnares the mind and freaks the body. Despite recognizing the emptiness we sometimes crave the excitement that Passion brings. For those drama queens and diva dudes of the bunch Passion many times wins over true Love because it’s always extra spicy. The highs are super high and the lows are super low…it’s a relationship of the manic depressive variety.

Don’t get me wrong, Love burns intensely too. It consumes you to the point where it’s sometimes hard to see yourself outside of the other person. My dude, Love makes you question his endings and your beginnings so much so that your significant other feels like an extension of your own person. That’s a good and a bad thing because when Love leaves it can be devastating. But we ain’t crying in today’s post. Above all else when you’re at your weakest moment, when you’re in the midst of an ugly cry where snot combines with spit and your eyes are burning red, Love will lift you up and hold your hand. It will listen to your deepest secrets sans judgment and laugh at your corniest jokes when everyone else including Passion gives less than a shyt. So it makes sense that this level of compassionate compatibility is the thing you seek out and crave at the innermost core of your person. While we may run from the forever commitment of Love for the quick romps of Passion, there is no comparison to knowing someone gets you.

Passion is great in a moment but Love truly does last a lifetime. So Lovelies this post was inspired by watching Scandal and examining whether Fitz and Olivia are truly in Love or blinded by a carnal Passion. I’m not fully sold on either but it made me think about what it means to truly love someone…not normally my realm I know. Forgive my departure but I would especially like to hear everyone’s opinion so what says you, speak on it in the comments and as always to share is to care and hashish.

5 Responses to “Monday Ranting: Mistaking Passion for Love”
  1. Holli says:

    Love is a cold and passion is the flu. Everything you wrote was SO on point but that line will stick with me. It took me a long time to realize that catching a cold was the better option!

    • Faith M. says:

      I’ve been running from colds so long I almost forgot how to stop and just enjoy the small moments. Love is hard work, don’t believe the hype of these movie producers it doesn’t just all fall into place. But as we know anything worth having is worth working for. Thanks for leaving your two cents on my little part of the innerwebs!!!

      Side note you can use the love is a cold and passion is the flu but I wants my 10% fee, LOL!

  2. nyabernyangi says:

    First time reader and I loved this post. This used to be the story of my life but thankfully I’m applying the lessons I’ve learnt

    • Faith M. says:

      Welcome first timer 🙂 Hopefully you will be back for more. Application of the lessons we learn during the dating & mating game is oh so necessary. If not we fall victim to repeating past mistakes. And I’m not getting any younger so I don’t have the time nor the patience for repeat offenders in my life.

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