Pop Culture WednesdayFriday: Kimye Having a Baby…Starting Off 2013 w/a Bang!

One can only hope that this union doesn't produce a troll...here's to praying that Kim's genes fight the good fight but keep Kanye's complexion...don't judge me!

One can only hope that this union doesn’t produce a troll…here’s to praying that Kim’s genes fight the good fight but keep Kanye’s complexion…don’t judge me!

Sooooooo hell must have frozen over and little imp-like minions are ice skating with Lucifer. Well not really but you know something has to be off kilter if The Vain One, Kanye West knocked up Kim Kardashian. Well not really because honestly as much as we would like to not admit it, Kanye and Kim are sort of the perfect car wreck disaster made in entertainment heaven. Not that ratchet tomfuckery is an appropriate environment for a kid but what’s the absolute worse that could happen? Granted Kanye is a media whore with uck ninja tendencies (thank you Trinidad James) and the world thinks Kim is a whore (I’m not 100% sold on her heaux-ness) is this any worse than say Snooki and her Guido boytool raising a child? Remember being a parent requires no license.

More than likely I won’t remember where I was when I first heard that Kimye were expecting. It wasn’t one of those total recall moments like President Obama winning the election (two terms snitches)! It will however stand out as yet another moment when I wonder what in the absolute tomfuck is wrong with this world. Much like my inability to fully comprehend the popularity of Twitter, my brain can’t wrap itself around the union Kimye producing life.

Granted this union and its media whore suckling offspring will provide much fodder for the blog world mostly because it’s parents are two of the most attention seeking media whoring individuals to live on this here 3rd rock from the sun. Unlike Blue Ivy’s parents’ awesome and illusiveness that keeps us wanting more, Kimye operates similar to an incurable rash. You scratch and scratch but somehow it never goes away. Shout out to Kimye and their ability to be more like herpes than I don’t know herpes or that manically hopeless pair Chrianna.

Any who, this union never surprised me. Kanye requires a baby mom that understands and tolerates his bitchassness while simultaneously finding it attractive. Kim requires black peen. Sorry but from what I can discern from Kim K’s behavior, she’s feverishly attracted to colored schlong. For good or for bad I knew her marriage to Kris Humphries was destined for destruction once I Googled him and saw his complexion didn’t fit into her preferred dating food group. Note I had to Google him to find out who he was because who knew Kris Humphries before he dated and married Kim. I’m just saying it’s not his basketball skills.

Side note that odd six degrees of separation betwixt Kanye and Kris Humphries is almost incestuous…it makes me uncomfortable about my skin.

But I digress. Kanye pretty much lost all my respect after gaining it so passionately when he said George Bush didn’t care about black people. After his mother’s death he ran clear off the reservation butt butterball nekkid. He deserves several seats \_ \_ \_ for his behavior following the tragedy. Must I remind everyone of the crop circles night. The night he grabbed a handful of Amber Rose bum, walked a red carpet while drinking Hennessey, and single handedly catapulted Taylor Swift into a household name, it is the night that lives in infamy. This behavior alone got him kicked out of the trust tree. And let’s not talk about the tomfuckery of 808’s and Heartbreak….iCried. But this recent shenanigan takes the cake. He’s been baptized in debauchery and there is no coming back.

Despite Kanye’s ratchet leanings I thought him to be one of those dudes who yes enjoys outwardly whore appearing women, really wanted something semi traditional. Granted one cannot put a ring on the finger of an already married woman. And there lies the beginning of the foolishness. Isn’t it a law somewhere that children conceived during a marriage are automatically classified as the child of the two wearing rings? It would behoove Kris Humphries to sign those papers, no Usher Raymond. I’m positive that Kris’ parents are somewhere wishing they never allowed him to listen to rap music… he missed the Bel Biv Devoe message, never trust a big butt and a smile. We know how the story goes.

In any man’s river, this baby is being born to a woman famous off of a home movie and a man who doesn’t need a chick because he’s on his own dyck, his words not mine. If that isn’t a Disney movie waiting to be hatched I don’t know what is. Granted being a parent truly only requires working man and woman parts and therein lies so many of the problems of today. Not that I’m suggesting we require a license to have the babies…but damn can we get a coloring test or something. Some kind of competency exam that could gauge what kind of uck shyt life space we may toss an innocent bundle into by allowing two people to procreate. Yeah I know that’s some Gestapo type ish and no one is about that life. Losing…no one wins in this situation, besides a public dripping with anticipation for the True Life Story on MTV My Mom was a Thirsty Bish and My Dad Rides a Unicorn Edition. iWeep!

But what do I know? Maybe Kim K. will be the mom that puts all other moms to shame. Maybe she’ll stunt on these heauxs and win some type of good housekeeping award. Could you imagine Kim K. at your child’s PTA meeting…yeah I can’t either but stranger things have happened…right? Right! I mean who cares that Kim launched her career (what does she do again) off her back. When you think about it, that is some ingenious type hashish. I mean how many other women can mouth hug themselves into stars, no p0rno! It may have given them gonorrhea in their throats, chlamydia of the eyes but never celebrity. That is impressive…not really but it should make the Guinness book of world records for the heauxs stay winning award. Not that I’m calling her a heaux because if we take her business out the e-streets she definitely isn’t nearly as scandalous as some basic bishes I know. Maybe I just know slores…me no know.

Since none of Kim’s heaux tactics disqualify her from also being a parent and none of Kanye’s bitchassness thwarts his dad ability I guess the kid will be no worse for the wear. iCry on the inside though for the emotional stability of a child brought up by these two misfits. But what says you, any thoughts on the Kimye debacle. Remember to share is to care and hashish.

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