Pop Culture Wednesdays: Dating & Mating: The Role of Submission, Independence, and the Modern Woman

…so yeah I’m not about that life…

One of the hardest things for me to do in any relationship is relinquish control. Vulnerability signifies weakness to me that makes me feel awkward about my skin. Unapologetically I am a control freak. Don’t judge me. In my mind, no one makes better decisions for my life than me. Considering the years I’ve put in this space I by default have a leg up on the competition. To allow a man to usurp those responsibilities not only is frightening but more importantly leaves me missing components of who I am. A large portion of Faith is a responsible, capable, intelligent, independent woman. Watering down all or parts of those ingredients dilutes the very essence of the Faith base modifying my taste. A large part of my confidence comes from my ability to be in all things capable, responsible, intelligent and independent. Removing any semblance of those ingredients from my cocktail to submit or surrender would leave me flavorless. Right? Right!

Shall we walk down submission lane? Merriam Webster tells us that submission means:

  1. The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant
  2. The act of submitting to the authority or control of another

If we splash a little more colorful commentary on the page, Wikipedia describes submission as:

  1. The condition of submitting to the espoused, legitimate influence of one’s superior or superiors
  2. A yielding or submitting to the judgment of a recognized superior out of respect or reverence

That hashish right there is heavy. By accepting the role of a submissive I willingly agree that my strengths and defining base attributes are left dripping by the dock of the bay. Being humble and compliant are not my worries. Everyone should strive to be humble. Arrogance is bad for the complexion. Compliance doesn’t really ruffle my tail feathers either. Simply because compliance means you play by a set of defined rules. I have no problem with following rules, ones that I had a hand in creating of course. My back’s up against the wall about being submissive. We get a better understanding in the second part of the definition. “Submitting to the authority or control of another,” if I accept this premise I concede to inferiority of mind, body, and soul. Say what?

In no way do I see myself nor will I ever see myself as inferior to any man, husband or otherwise. The very notion insults all that I am and who I was raised to be. An authority or superior is one you obey without question, note wiki’s reference to”… the judgment of a recognized superior…” To be without question is the position of a fool. Fools, soldiers, children, and dogs obey without question. My greatest gift is a thinking mind which I exercise and will continue to exercise until the wheels fall off. I will never suspend my thoughts or bow to the leadership of a man blindly. If I needed a master I’d be a dog and if I needed a parent I’d be a child. Since I am neither I needn’t subjugate myself.

Any man who feels the need to rule over me in this way bears an eerie resemblance to the Man Wander Married. Behavior that rubs against negative aspects of my upbringing forces me to not pass go, do not collect $200. iRefuse to ever experience in my personal life anything remotely resembling the “marriage” my parents displayed. No offense to either. I will never be ruled over by any man at the expense of what I think is right for me and my family. This is the epitome of submission, living thoughtless, yielding to the “recognized superiority” of my husband. iCan’t and iWon’t! This I say straight with no chaser.

But maybe I’m over thinking. Maybe I’ve taken it too far. Maybe modern culture and some fiery women’s lib classes have so jaded my brain that I’ve morphed submission in marriage into some evil notion. Maybe this is as simple as agreeing to my husband making all decisions when it comes to what cars we drive and what repairmen we hire. My dad’s response to broken household items was duck tape. That will not go down in my home. When I marry a man I will do so knowing I fully trust him with my life but not absent my thoughts. If he wants to rein over yard work and car repairs I will gladly concede.

In my mind marriage is about compromise and partnership. While I acknowledge my distaste for losing control I recognize that by losing some control over my life I gain so much more. Allowing another to have a say in my life’s direction is a serious sacrifice. It’s not a choice I’d make unwisely and it will be with a man who recognizes and respects that he marries more than tits and arse. But I don’t imagine I’d ever marry a man who felt any differently.

In general I don’t mesh well with men who feel the need to falsely inflate themselves by ruling over women. Experience teaches me that these types of men don’t routinely check for girls like me, mostly because I have an opinion. No one who truly wants a subordinate life mate would entertain or seriously date someone who lives outside of that lapdog box. Remember Lovelies, dogs require masters not grown arse women. No judgment! If a chick willingly accepts this inferior lifespace who am I to knock her hustle? However, there’s nothing about turning off my brain and living life as an ameba that rows my boat. I’m just saying. But what says you Lovelies, should wives submit to their husbands? As always to share is to care and hashish!


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