Book of Questions Friday: Distant Lovers…o____0

Yeah…I’m not built for that life!

Friday’s Question, from the Book of Questions Love & Sex by Gregory Stock, PH.D., is question #17. If during a two-week vacation you had met and fallen in love with someone who lived a thousand miles away from you, what would do you when you returned home to give the relationship a chance? If the two of you wanted to be together, how would you be willing to change your life to make it happen, and how much would you expect your lover to change?

Well this question is truly truly truly outrageous. I have to suspend all things Faith in order to answer it. Mostly because I don’t believe in love at first sight in no way, shape, or form. I do however believe in lust at first sight and yes two weeks still constitutes first sight. Anywho had I met up with a lovely piece of man on a Caribbean island while on vacation that blew my hair clear back I’d hope my controlling mind wouldn’t suspend my heart and allow me to make the right decisions for my happily ever after. On the flip side if this man loves me in the truest sense of the word I know that moving his world into my space shouldn’t even be an issue. However reality tells me that nothing in this world is ever that easy and love does not conquer all, distance, job, and your life before the awesome love-fest is probably one or all of the things that love will not conquer. Am I a cynic…maybe!

Forgive my sarcasm but if anyone tells me that she fell in love with someone at first glance I tell her to have a whole seat \_! When you meet someone for the first time sans conversation you don’t know N-E-Thing about him but what he looks like. Chemistry? Save that shyt for teenagers and adults who watch Twilight. iCan’t with this nonsense. For every “love at first sight meeting” there’s a long line of broken hearts, guilty puccis, and dismantled marriages. Don’t get me wrong there is probably someone reading this like oh no girlfriend I knew I was going to marry my husband the night I meant him and I married him so boom. Basically that proves nothing but thank you for playing. Trust you are the exception and not the rule. True love blossoms and grows over time.

Now if I suspended my rational mind and let love rule after happening upon a gentleman caller only to find out after falling madly and deeply in love we lived life spaces apart I might tear up a bit. Mostly because there are only a few cities I could see myself setting up shop. When I hear 1000 miles my mind conjures up images of Jasper AL, Huntingdon TN, or Iowa City IA. None of which sound remotely Faith-esque. And while picking up my life on the whim of love sounds hella fairytale-like I’m not sure I’m built for Iowa City. ‘Tis the truth Ruth! I’d like to think I would give it the ole college try and deeply consider moving from my space to his space but I can honestly say I’d probably be selfish and expect him to move where I reside. Selfish? Selfish…I know but this is the trust tree nest so I’m being completely 100 with y’all Lovelies.

Furthermore iStruggle with the notion of a long distance relationship. In my mind distance that separates someone from her significant other that requires a plane ride spells disaster but not for lack of trying. I deeply and truly believe that committed folk will give the maximal effort to stick it out with the person they love. However the inability to share your life with someone in your space will cause a wandering eye. And I’m not speaking simply secksually. There is something to be said for emotional support and hell sometimes you just need a hug. Not me I am not a hug it out kind of person but I recognize that others enjoy this. Skype can’t conquer all and neither can love. As much as you love someone not being around that person to share the day-to-day grind will wear on you and eventually you will lean on someone. Now that leaning may come in the form of a tryst or simply a shoulder to cry on. It is hard to say which one of these things is the most devastating to a relationship. Each has different implications.

Eventually someone will shyt or get off the pot. For me unless homeboy lives in, Atlanta, Chicago, Boston, or LA I can’t see myself living anywhere else. Don’ get me wrong I know there are couples treading this water, some of them even navigating it well. I just don’t see them as the rule. For me it’s completely impractical and a recipe for disaster to live 1000 miles away from the love of my life. The tiny piece of me that’s a hopeless romantic says I’d be willing to do all the things I’ve heard that long distance couples do to keep it popping but a computer screen and a phone are no substitute for a man.

And not for nothing that type of distance also distorts one’s ability to determine if happily ever after is true. Mostly because how does one gauge true compatibility when you’re always separate? Every time you see each other will be great because so much anticipation has built due to the separation, this is a false indication of your true feelings. It masks those day-to-day relationship hills and valleys. For relationship survival you need those hills and valleys to determine staying power. Love is an amazing thing but there’s something to be said for true compatibility with someone, which is different than being in love. I know this from personal experience.

So Lovelies feel free to speak your piece in the comments section. If during a two-week vacation you had met and fallen in love with someone who lived a thousand miles away from you, what would do you when you returned home to give the relationship a chance? If the two of you wanted to be together, how would you be willing to change your life to make it happen, and how much would you expect your lover to change? As always to share is to care and hashish!

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