Monday Ranting: The Heaux Within…

She is serving the kids hoodrat side ponytail swag. On a side note, I low key have a girl crush on Rasheeda…isn’t she extra pretty for no reason!!!

Ratchet music is the high school drop out of the music industry. They are the songs that got pregnant after prom and watched their dreams shrivel and disappear. Sad? Sad! No surprise to you reglahs I’m sort of a connoisseur of rat of the hood classics. While I listen to all types of music from rock to rap by far the heaviest rotation goes to ratchet songs of the bust it baby variety. Not because I confuse these songs with good music but because they give me wings. Well not literally but they do make me feel good after a day of corporate bullshyt. This past weekend I introduced The Best Friend to Rasheeda. The Bestie’s world was made better for this intro…of this I’m sure. Rasheeda is my new favorite gutter bish. She serves hoodrat-ness like The Baddest B*tch Trina circa 2000. Yes! Yes! Yes! Don’t judge me lovelies.

Over the weekend I upgraded my Ignant Arse Music playlist in iTunes to Ratchet Shyt in Spotify. Went from an hour of tomfuckery to 4-5 hours of twerk twerk twerking! Feel free to take a peek at it and let live. I’m telling you a two tone lace front weave wearing, bubble gum popping, dropping it likes its hot bish will definitely hop out your skin at least a quarter of the way through the playlist if not sooner. This I guarantee which is why I confine my listening pleasure to the apartment. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m a trifling hooker arse slut monkey. I am not but if anyone happened upon me in the midst of one of my many sessions I could see how they’d come to that conclusion.

Granted if anyone ever wanted a music recommendation this playlist would never come to mind. And when recently asked what my favorite song is, I quickly and honestly replied, Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers but there is a little part of me that wanted to say Fine by Jackie-O. As ratchet songs go this is relatively tame but there’s something sinister in that beat that always makes me want to get up and do a nasty tall girl two-step. I am not a dancer by design, thanks in large part to lousy coordination and poor knees but I will shake a tail feather when this plays.

Surprisingly Rasheeda, by way of Love & Hip Hop Hades ATL, doesn’t seem like a gutter slut in real life nor does Trina for that matter. In some way this makes me feel justified in my appreciation of the filth. Now I can’t speaks for the Khia’s & Diamond’s of the world because I truly believe those heaux are about that my neck my back life space. It’s something about their whole personas that scream we don’t have dads. Fathers matter….Church! That is not me making funnies…daddies are essential, spend any time with a lowly pole dancer and this becomes ever so evident. Daddy Issues and hashish!

But back to what I was saying in the past I would deny this affinity. I thought it spoke to something about me. Something about my inner workings that I just wasn’t comfortable enough admitting to the general peoples. Being the corner store sociologist that I am I set out to examine the public to see if I was the only one hiding. Granted there was no science behind my study but I do believe it to be true 78.7% of the time, females respond well to butt shaking songs. I did use friends as my subjects unknown to them. I’d put in my iPod and have the melodic sounds of Sade or some other soulish type artist playing. Everyone would be fine, mellow, and enjoying conversation. Smack dab in the middle of the quiet storm I’d throw in some ratchet song like, Ayy Ladies. Devilish grins and sheer delight ensued. Folk began seated dancing with hands swaying and all types of this my ish responses letting me know full well undercover heaux tactics were at work. I don’t blame them because while I effs with Sade, she is a friend in my head, I will tall girl two step it out to Ayy Ladies in a hot ghetto second. And in the next minute think nothing of hopping on a conference call to discuss insurance premiums. There were times of course when people threw me the bish are you crazy look o___0 and I quickly adjusted the station. Now those folks aren’t allowed in my car….I kid I kid…slightly.

The songs of the rat are not for everyone. If you’ve never taken the leap but are interested I suggest crawling before you walk. There is a spectrum to this life space. I caution the easily offended because it gets real. For the beginners, if you’ve listened to any number of the “urban” radio stations you’ve at least heard these songs in their edited form. If that didn’t turn your stomach you can take it up a notch and listen to songs like Doin’ It, Milkshake, Money Maker, and/or Shake Ya A$$ unedited, this is a 1-3 on the ratchet spectrum. You know ratchet for the novice listener. Intermediate ratchet heads (4-6) feel free to enjoy Round of Applause, Bring it Back, Come Baby Come and/or Back that Azz Up. If those songs only entice your fancy and you want to delve head first into a bucket of ghetto fantabulousness get into that pro ratchet life space (7-10) and listen to Nann, Gimmie That, Put It In Your Mouth, and/or My Bubble Gum. Your life will be forever changed…I cannot say for the better or worse.

So lovelies…who’s listening to ratchet music out here on these e-streets speak on it in the comments. Share some of your favorites…I’ve probably already listened to them or have them in my arsenal but I’m always looking for another to add to my growing list of guilty pleasure music. As always to share is to care and hashish!

2 Responses to “Monday Ranting: The Heaux Within…”
  1. Michelle says:

    ” Rasheeda is my new favorite gutter bish. She serves hoodrat-ness like The Baddest B*tch Trina circa 2000. Yes! Yes! Yes! Don’t judge me lovelies.” I feel the same way, however with maturity and life experiences i feel more and more responsible for popularizing this sector. The sound and visions of “Love…Atlanta” disturbs me, and when I see my little sisters watching it, I don’t know what they are absorbing and how it is really affecting their perspectives and decision making, what is the answer? Do we dismiss this all together or do we continue to say I simply enjoy it for its entertainment? I’m not pointing fingers, I am just as perplexed as the next…

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Michelle,

      I have no answers, only opinions and suggestions. The only way to gauge what if any impact this is making on your sisters would be a heart to heart. I don’t have any underage females in my life space to see how these unsavory aspects of popular culture play out but I would be willing to say that they don’t play out well.

      At the same time I do very much enjoy these things for entertainment’s sake. And while I could definitely do without Love & Hip Hop ATL and gutter butt music I doubt that would solve the larger societal issue. Music and Television aren’t having babies or raising children. Everyday men and women are to blame for poor behavior on the part of their offspring.

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