Book of Questions Friday: Anything Worth Having is Worth Fighting For…Or is It?

If this is how your relationship feels, drop that boulder and run!

Friday’s Question, from the Book of Questions Love & Sex by Gregory Stock, PH.D., is question #11, Have you ever felt that your involvement with your partner was more hard work than fun? If so, do you feel this is to be expected or is a sign that something basic is wrong?

To my knowledge there are two schools of thought when it comes to relationships, some folks believe that relationships by nature are hard work and therefore one must put in that work to make them flourish and others who believe if the person is “the one” it should all fall in place effortlessly. I call the folk in the second group delusional bastards. But that has nothing to do with the price of bumble gum in Calcutta. Seriously speaking relationships are complicated, why because people are complicated…well mostly women but that is my bias. At the same time I feel that there is something to be said for a relationship feeling like a prison sentence that you have to live out in agony putting in maximal effort with very very few returns. In my mind relationships are a combination of the two schools of thought. Surprise, life ain’t a fairytale as such the hashish is gonna take effort but it damn sure shouldn’t feel like rowing against the tide.

Forcing a square peg in a round hole will only frustrate you so if this is what your relationship feels like you might want to call Tyrone and tell him come on help you get your shyt. I’m just saying. There is no sense in banging your head against the relationship wall if your significant other isn’t going to hand you an aspirin or mattress mambo you back to health. That hashish just ain’t worth it. My motto, when it’s not fun anymore I’m out. No one wants to be stuck with anyone. Note the terminology, stuck; it implies that one is being held against her will. I’m not about that depressed relationship life. I prefer my men chipper with broad shoulders and a smile. If he’s not serving me Dwight Howard realness he can take that where, back there. I am not for a life of tears, broken promises, and heartache. iCan’t and iWon’t!

With the exception of The Spaniard I have never felt like I was pulling a tractor up a hill without a mule. What I learned is fighting against the inevitable is not only stupid it’s pointless. No amount of “work” would ever make it last so accept that hashish and move on before adding a coin in the bitter bish piggy bank. I can’t say that I followed the sound advice I’m giving you for the price of admission. Once you identify the unwinnable fight, in this case the basic wrong, don’t spin your wheels trying to make it right. Spin your wheels speeding away as fast as those wheels will take you. You will be a happier person for it. Trust no one likes a bitter bish.

This is not to say at the first sign of a storm you run for the hills. You most definitely need to water the garden for flowers to bloom, however, like with everything else in life there will be highs and lows. The things to look out for are lows that totally mask the highs. If your relationship thrives on a series of longstanding lows with the occasional high packing your bags and taking up residence solo dolo only makes sense. Rotten lemons make shitty lemonade!

Keep in mind that happily ever after romantic love develops organically. You don’t have to force that hashish to happen. Most of us have been in love at least once in our adult lives and that feeling, that thing that makes you want to nuzzle your nose in someone’s neck doesn’t require force feeding. It is that thing you can’t describe to your friends without a smile crossing your lips.

Basically folks live and love but if that hashish begins to drain your lifespace until the future looks like a scene from the first Saw I suggest sitting that shyt on the dock of the bay. Granted I am no relationship guru and just like you I am wading my way through trouble waters…hopefully I answered the question. Speak your piece in the comment section lovelies, as always to share is to care!

3 Responses to “Book of Questions Friday: Anything Worth Having is Worth Fighting For…Or is It?”
  1. I totally hear you, Faith. I expect…well, I guess that’s the problem – having expectations. Anyway, I don’t think that relationships should be a tooth-pulling experience. It can be rough, but that’s no excuse to tolerate being in a bad situation.


    • Faith M. says:

      Hola Chapster,

      You are totally right, no one should tolerate being in a bad situation. And you should always have expectations…if not you end up sharing life space with rats of the hood. Be careful out here on these streets.

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