Pop Culture Wednesday: Guilty Pleasures – A Love & Hip Hop/Jersey Shore Review

Different cast same ratchet!!!!

Between the Christmas Hanukkah Kwanzaa New Year’s Holiday season I consumed way too much ratchet television. In my defense, the void left by the season finale of Ex Heaux of Former Basketball Players in LA needed filling. And while I avoided Love & Hip Hop during its opening season I lost the battle to my growing desire for all things consisting of mayhem, foolishness, and tomfoolery. Not only did I delight in the ghettofantabulousness of Love & Hip Hop I also basked in the equally ratchet Jersey Shore Gorillas and Guidettes. Oh yeah cabs are here! I do love me some Pauly D on the low despite the anomaly he calls his hair. Don’t judge me. But to the point, I’m slowly withdrawing from all ratchet television in my life space. My heart, mind, body and soul are screaming give us free.

While all chicks attending clubs at the Jersey shore are not heaux there’s clearly a substantial segment of the population that are in fact sloppy whores. I’m just saying in one episode I witnessed Snooki reveal the bare coot to a dance floor full of fist pumpers, viciously break up with her smedium Gorilla boyfriend, and within the next hour trip onto Vinny’s Moby dyck. I’m not calling her a heaux, but she’s wearing a heaux’ clothing. Not to mention the never-ending gaggle of low budget tramps slide slide slippety sliding through MVP’s (Mike, Vinnie and Pauly) beds. I’m not judging and clearly I’m entertained by their shenanigans but what frightens me beyond belief…there are non-filmed folk out here partaking in the same level of ratchet for free. It makes me cry a little on the inside but as the great poet laureate Tupac said, there ain’t no hope for the youth and the truth is it ain’t no hope for the future.

Those mini train wrecks aside, what bakes my biscuits the most, even more than the Jersey-ites’ inability to dance, Ronnie and Sammie’s bootleg relationship. Oh the dramedy! Sweetie let me tell you, these two right here and their manic depressive love gives me life. One minute she’s the best he ever had and the next she’s a c*nt! And that right there is a fighting word…ALLLLLLLl DAAAAAYYYYY! Where I’m from window busting is so necessary. Granted that reaction is inappropriate but it’s a level of illogical violence that feels comfy cozy about my skin. They are the epitome of all things bad about relationships but at the same time I know at least 2-3 couples who go balls to the wall for their “love” Ronnie and Sammie style despite everyone else screaming, chile boo! Although Ron and his tears are a bit much for my taste, y’all know my issues with emoting men.

Which brings me to Rich Dollaz and the ugly cry moment he can’t take back on Love & Hip Hop. Did he really cry on screen over the non-mothaeffing factor that is Olivia? No one’s checking for Olivia’s out the basement arse. Rich needs to accept that hashish and keep it moving. Don’t get me wrong, Olivia can sing and she is cute but so what? She’s out her wishing she’s Beyonce. As much as I hate to admit it Bey slays the scene and these bishes just have to deal. Not that I’m a Beyonce stan but darling there is no comparison. Olivia should take a seat or sing back up for that Amazon, Somaya. I’m sure it hurts but Olivia needs to drive in her lane and stop trying to take the entrance ramp to the superstar highway.

And not to throw shade but Chrissy is an idiot. She is loud and banshee to the fullest. I know I know so many chicks dig her particular brand of bayshyt crazy but I’m not one of them. First off the whole Kimbella hashish, funny but totally uncalled for. Second the Yandy beef, initially justified but Chrissy pushed it beyond the point of believability. Third her empty threats to leave Jim, annoying. Thank God Jim threw a ring on her finger to stifle her tongue for the next 7 years. News flash Chrissy you’re never walking down the aisle with Jim Jones…OK maybe she will once her ovaries have dried to a fine powder and blow out of her body. That was mean but at least she’s not as delusional as her bestie Emily.

Chrissy and Emily are two sides of the same need a man to make me complete coin. Here’s two bishes holding on to men that are barely paying them any mind. In Chrissy’s case I actually believe that Jimmy loves her in his own spaced out, mouth full of marbles, non-communicating, smells of cheese crackers and mustard greens, anti committal way. But Emily, Fabolous might not spit on her if she were on fire. Sad? Sad! Fab must have dynamite in his pants because his face is not the best part of waking up and he treats Emily worse than dirt on the bottom of his shoe. Of course that makes Emily just like 65.7% of the rest of the women in the world chasing after and pining for men not giving two damns about them. Such as life!

And I have no words for the likes of Kimbella or Yandy, those two are bargain bin bishes and iCan’t with them on any level. But before I forget, I do dig Teairra Mari although I immensely dislike her inability to spell her name correctly. Ratchet for no reason but wildly entertaining.

There it is in a nutshell folks…of course what does that make me if I tune in every week, entertained damn it. Enter.Damn.Tained!!!! What says you, any thoughts on the debauchery that is reality television? As always to share is to care and hashish!

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  1. […] Pop Culture Wednesday: Guilty Pleasures – A Love & Hip Hop/Jersey Shore Review (snarkyasiwant2b.wordpress.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookLinkedInLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. Tags: ATL, Behind The Scenes, booty, BTS, By, Fabolous, facebook, getmybuzzup.com, hip hop, JimJones, JuelzSantana, music, of, Rico Love, rnb, Teairra Marí, ThisIs50.com, twitter, U Did Dat, video, worldstarhiphop, yonkers, youtube Permalink […]

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