Monday Ranting – That’s What It’s Made For

Washcloths are not only for making jungle animals of this i'm 200% positive!

For reasons unknown to me at the NYE party we traveled down good hygiene lane. Blame it on the alcohol, no Jamie Fox. During our excursion we brushed up against my germ-o-phobe nature. In prior years I refused to shake hands with men but have recently taken to fist bumps and the use of anti-bacterial hand cleanser if I must shake (work purposes). Admittedly somehow I’ve managed to surround myself with friends of similar neurotically clean tendencies. It really does my heart proud and makes for using their bathrooms that much easier, but I digress. Amidst the merriment someone blurted out something to the effect that he is unable to trust anyone who doesn’t use a washcloth. And while I won’t swim in that end of the neurotic clean pool I do give side eyes to folks unsubscribed to the washcloth way of life.

Everyone’s raised differently. The Best Friend goes mini ape-shyt when someone in the bathroom locks the door. I don’t fully comprehend this panty bunching parade but I knock no one rowing her boat. Unless of course the rower is dirty, hence my fascination with Hoarders. To the point, what we learn as children in the world o’ cleanliness tends to follow us into adulthood, for good or for bad. If The Man Wander Married taught me nothing he made it a point to instill “proper” hygiene practices. It was absolutely unacceptable to bathe without the use of a washcloth. Bathing in and of itself was serious business. If my dad didn’t feel you spent enough time in the shower he would make you do it again, much like the white glove test on furniture. Until spending time away from home I never realized this wasn’t normal practice. Having that level of attention paid to personal hygiene at such a young age forced me to take it seriously and quite frankly expect that same level of seriousness from others.

But oh have I been let down. Don’t get me wrong folks partaking in the loofah craze fare much better in my eyes than soap body bandits or ten finger magicians. iCan’t with any of the latter. It boggles my mind how anyone sans washcloth thoroughly washes his back…I take yoga and am quite flexible but there ain’t that much stretching in the world. All soap everything or ten fingers causes irritation about my colon. Mostly because you’re not thoroughly removing the dead skin from your body and in my mind you’re still dirty. I’m sorry…I hesitated briefly but I really do think you’re unclean. Not to mention soap bandits should require his own bar…I don’t evah wanna use a bar of soap that’s visited anyone’s downtown bonanza, family or otherwise. Everything’s not meant for sharing.

And since we’re in the trust tree nest how are you cleaning your ears without a washcloth…I know how…you’re not. Don’t tell me shyt about Q-tips. In my mind if you haven’t taken the time to consider a thorough body scrub down with a washcloth a Q-tip is the last thing on your mind. I’m not judging you’re probably still good peoples. iStruggle with this though, a lot. While we’re sharing and caring, what about your belly button, oh sweet baby Jesus you may actually have years of dirt in your navel. Yes this is how my mind works. You’re just dirty. Remember smelling and dirty aren’t synonyms. While someone who smells is always dirty a person can be dirty without always smelling mmmmkay.

Over the years I’ve learned that most people don’t think about these things to the level that I do. I really really really pay close attention to the bathing habits of folks I date because I refuse to take home a ten finger magician. It just won’t work for me. My mind will continuously spin around the levels of dirt you may or may not contaminate my person with and that will no doubt monopolize my day. Yes it’s that bad, don’t judge me.

What says you, have I gone too far off the deep end with this one? Does a washcloth really matter in terms of cleanliness? Will someone explain how a person cleans his navel or ears sans washcloth? Seriously I’m curious! As always to share is to care and hashish!

One Response to “Monday Ranting – That’s What It’s Made For”
  1. Holli says:

    If my mom were here she’d do a little happy dance! I had regular post-bathing inspections until I was 9 yrs old!

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