Monday Ranting: Ride or Die Friendship

This is what happens when keeping it real goes wrong!!!!

Over this past weekend I was supposed to go apartment furniture shopping with Male Nurse Friend. Before you know it I’ll be in my apartment for 3 months still living room less, this must be solved before New Years. Any who considering Male Nurse Friend’s track record I had an uber strong feeling this wasn’t going to happen. It’s not that he’s a bad friend but he’s definitely not the male version of Chrissy from Love & Hip Hop. He ain’t stomping bushes first and asking questions later. I’ve known this for some time. It’s how we roll. True, friendship works well when both parties pull their weight equally but there’s also something to knowing what you’re working with. Understanding and accepting folks imperfections makes for less headaches, hurt feelings and colon agitation. Not that I need a Chrissy in my life space anyway but I can understand why some might enjoy her brand of friendship.

For those out of the know, Chrissy is Jim Jones’ girlfriend/fiancé/house heaux whatever you wanna call her. She happens to be besties with Emily the stylist and baby mama sometimes girlfriend always bedmate to Fabolous. If none of that rings a bell it doesn’t matter, outside of the fact that these two women are besties before testes. Alright now that that back story is out of the way let us fast forward to almost present day and Emily throws herself a break-up/you can do better all by yourself party with her girls for finally dropping cheating arse Fabolous. All her friends show up to pop bottles, man bash and generally have a good ole time of it. Sounds like a nice Saturday right? Right! Well unbeknown to the chicks partaking in libations and conversations a tramp was in their midst. In between Emily’s independent woman I don’t need his nasty arse no more speech a rat of the hood named Kimbella (yeah that’s some trailor trash naming for that arse) jumps up to congratulate her and announce to everyone’s chagrin that not only did she have the chex with Emily’s Former but she did so while Emily was with child.

What part of the game is this? The beat a bish down part me thinks. Proceeding right along. Granted there probably isn’t ever a good time to tell someone you slept with her man, ex man, the dude who’s drawls she washes, you get my drift but my damn. You definitely don’t let the cat out the bag in the middle of her celebration amongst a gaggle of her closest friends. You’re basically begging a bish to snatch out your tracks, if in fact you are wearing the yaki! I’m just saying. Because Emily refuses to fight her battles, Chrissy took it upon herself to step up and show out. Any by show out I mean take her entire fist and splish splash it across Kimbella’s face knocking her clear off the couch. Ratchet television at it’s best I tell you.

Unlike Emily I goes hard in the paint for myself and do not require save a heaux tactics in my life space. I’m not saying I would have resorted to tussling with a Kimbella-esque chick but sometimes a swift kick in the arse says so much more than calling a tramp a sloppy heaux. Words sting but so does the back of my hand, not that I advocate violence.

After some thought about this situation and a few conversations with The Little Sister I decided this level of friendship is a bit much. Hear me out folks. While it’s nice to know my chickies are ready, willing, and able to back my plays I don’t want any of them playing savior. It’s one thing to defend a friend against the haters but it’s another to think I’m so fragile that you must jump to my defense before allowing me to handle my business. Not for nothing your best friend just heard some heart shattering information, as a true friend your place is by her side to make sure she’s 100! I know for me that’s where I want my bestie, not acting a fool trying to Mike Tyson a heaux. Granted I let my words be my weapon and rarely if ever resort to physical squabbles.

At this point I know you’re wondering what this has to do with Male Nurse Friend? Pretty much nothing outside of the fact that he is one of my besties before testes who’d most assume I’d expect to come through in a jam. Since apartment furniture shopping doesn’t exactly qualify as a jam he continues living in the trust tree nest. If you’re confused we never went shopping this weekend, shocking! Having known Male Nurse Friend so long I expect this type of flake behavior so it never surprises me when he pulls a no call no show. It would be nice though if he surprised me and actually kept his word. Until then I know never ever have him around when a skank pushes up on my Present.

What says you, do you think ride or die friends are the bees knees? Would you expect a friend to resort to violence for you? Does resorting to violence actually prove a level of friendship? As always to share is to care and hashish!

7 Responses to “Monday Ranting: Ride or Die Friendship”
  1. cardiogirl says:

    SO many phrases to choose from today, but I think my favorite is, “Words sting but so does the back of my hand….

    Okay, my mouth was hanging wide open while watching that video. Thank you so much for the awesome trainwreck of a start to Monday morning. That was excellent, I must say.

    I did enjoy Kimbella in the mirror, after the fact, primping like nothing really happened since she can stand in front of the mirror and fluff her weave.

    Okay, the question. Um, I’d freak out if any of my (very few) friends performed a beat down on my behalf. I prefer to sit in my living room and bitch about the situtation while my friend helps me make a large stable of voodoo dolls.

    • cardiogirl says:

      p.s. I forgot to mention that I love the fact that the chick in the electric blue dress kicked off her heels and went barefoot before the beat down.

      • Faith M. says:

        Hola CG,

        So believe it or not Kimbella wasn’t wearing a weave that night. She is of the cablasian persuasion me thinks so her curls are natural…at least in that episode. She is not above the yaki though.

        Any who I can dig the non violent voodoo doll approach to female interactions. Chicks can take you there and there is nothing better than sitting in a room with your closest chicas bashing a sloppy heaux. My preference would have been to say something sideways to her while she was at the party and then proceed to kicking her out. But the laying of hands, that is for hoodlums and I’m far too siddity for that life. Clearly I don’t mind watching…I’m working on it.

        And to your side note…earrings and shoes make for bad fighting accessories. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything!

  2. i have a girlfriend who was ready to bash windows & slash tires when an ex had done some particularly dirty dirt. “just lemme know what move you wanna make & i got you.”

    ride or die. & i appreciate it. see, she helped me inadvertently. she helped me know she’s crazy, that crazy is ALWAYS looking for a reason to stand up, & therefore, as her friend i must make sure i provide no such reasons so as not to have to provide any such bail. smell what i’m cookin?

    & since then, we’ve neither sliced, nor diced, nor gashed & bashed. but i know if I EVER find myself on that side of the mental slip & slide, she’s got my back. & that makes me feel warm & cozy at night.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Aweez,

      Don’t get me wrong. I soooo appreciate a friend stepping up and saying how do “we” want to handle this. You need those kinds of people in your corner, someone who’s a touch or several crazier than you so you can recognize that ain’t the path to follow. For me just listening to the things that my out of her mild best friend was willing to do to my ex was a enough to help me woo sah. The big thing here was she wasn’t going on her own to do this, she waited for me to handle mine and if I needed help was more than willing to lend a hand. That I can handle.

      The other side of the token when someone jumps to conclusions and wants to fight my battles, that makes me feel like you think I’m weak and I can’t live that life. But to your point, there is a something warm about knowing someone cares enough to catch a case.

  3. lol, nah, I don’t need ride or die…people in my life. I need more conflict resolution specialists around me 🙂 Someone to help me not do something bad to one of these Alabama rednecks.

    So um…are you ever gonna hook up with Male Nurse Friend? You seem fond of him.

    And where’s TLB? How is he? I’m a fan.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Chappy,

      Given your current residential situation I can see why being talked off the ledge would come in handy. Keep your friends close my friend, keep them close.

      Pause homie, Male Nurse Friend is like my brother from another mother and we would never do the freak mcnasty to each other. If you were looking for one of those romantic comedies where we finalized realized we were each others’ bees knees…sorry Chaps but it ain’t gonna happen.

      TLB is great actually. We aren’t living together anymore so I don’t have 100% access to his particular brand of genius! I’ll let him know you asked about him though.

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