Monday Ranting: Can You Teach an Old Hoe New Tricks…

Upon second thought I might want to immediately answer with a Hell to the NO!

Just the other day I was maxing, chillaxing, and kicking the actual factuals with Nurse Friend after a retail therapy excursion about the new boys in our lives. Always a topic ripe with humor and horriprise, I’m telling you men are far more entertaining than children and small pets. Somehow or another Nurse Friend and one of her boytools, Code Word, ended up discussing the hoes and hoe-type behavior. This lead to strippers and ultimately to p0rn stars, seems like a natural progression, no? The question of the night, which she turned and asked me and I have since turned and asked many randoms, would you date someone who’s done p0rno?

As depraved and hilarious a question especially coming from the goody two shoes I did get quite a kick out of answering and hearing everyone’s response. When Nurse Friend asked me I paused for a second, confirmed I heard what she said and then told her I didn’t think an immediate no made sense. Yes I see your eyebrows rising and even a stank eye or two. Coincidently Nurse Friend and I own stock in similar companies because she chuckled and exclaimed that’s exactly what she told Code Word. Before automatically kicking King Slay out my boudoir I need to probe a little bit, you know barring the obvious diseases and drugs.

Learning how potential boytools secure dinero is one of my prerequisite dating questions. I need to know he operates in a world where taxes are filed, just makes me sleep better at night. Anywho if my potential gentleman caller (I’m digging this plantation word combination lately, yes my nerd is showing) told me he secured his millions lying pipe more than an eyebrow would rise. He’d need to successfully answer my follow up questions.

1. Is he a professional soldier in the invasions of vagistan?

In my mind I consider a random tape some guy made with his friend with benefits or significant other in 2003 a little different than modeling your life after Ron Jeremy. Questionable decisions in my youth coming to roost in my adult life would terribly upset my person. I wouldn’t want some new potential young thang to take my past out of context. I’d like to think my mind opens wider than holding a little trip down XXX Brad Pitt lane against someone. Granted this is pure speculation at this point having never dated an ex-p0rn star, amateur or otherwise.

2. How famous is he in the world o’ p0rn?

I need to know if I bring King Slay to Thanksgiving dinner if anyone at the table recognizes him minus his trousers. This might not go over too well with Granny SJ. I’d also wonder how she knew him professionally which leads to a whole other host of images I’d be unable to un-see in my brain. Not to mention drooling female and hey gurrrrrl male cousins will elevate my levels of discomfort. Granted I shouldn’t care what people think about my boothang but I don’t function in a world of one. My life is a smorgasbord of intertwined family and friends, anyone lighting my fire need not have helped folk in my inner circle reach their O-face. Laugh if you want to but this is oh so serious.

3. Is he currently gainfully employed body to body with other pro smush artists?

Overall I’m not a jealous person. No seriously when I say this men usually laugh because a female lacking a batshyt crazy jealous streak is about as rare as the Cuban Crocodile. This happy occurrence might tip my scale and I’ll join the ranks of the remaining womenfolk ready willing and able to hide in bushes outside of his house at night. I’m not about that stalker life space. It requires entirely too much neurotic energy in my opinion and admittedly I’m already a semi type A personality. I don’t require any additional neuroses in mi vida.

Not to mention this rubs up against my wholehearted inability to date/chex/marry a gynecologist. Hear me out first. While I understand the vag requires smart doctors who specialize in all things uteri and these doctors need love too, I’m just not their woman. I absolutely love chocolate but even chocolate gets old after eating it several days in a row. Surely that line of thinking applies. Granted I’m not a man, maybe vag is truly truly truly outrageous and never loses it allure! I’m at a lost since I prefer the opposite anatomy.

Nurse Friend and I laughed about this for a couple of days. She even added that if he’d been really into the life he probably was set for life, you know p0rn stars make major duckets, no gold digger. What says you, would you date someone who’s done p0rno? Why or why not? As always to share is to care and hashish!

One Response to “Monday Ranting: Can You Teach an Old Hoe New Tricks…”
  1. Reggie says:

    This was hilarious!!!

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