Pop Culture Wednesday: Secks and Politics Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Jelly

I did not have seckual relations with that woman...oh wait wrong politician. Same difference right?

In honor of voting day I’m being all patriotic and hashish by talking politics, not really. And since politics and secks scandals go hand in hand I might as well bring up everyone’s favorite Republican candidate, Herman Cain. Granted Politics ain’t my twist I’d rather poke my eyeballs out with hot knitting needles than talk about the issues. Not because I don’t care, I care a lot but much like religion politics can and will get you kilt (not the skirt Scottish men wear, this means dead on arrival). Now if Herman Cain becomes the next president I will probably consider seeking refuge with our up north neighbors. Not because he groped a couple of chicks in the 90’s though, our politics don’t mesh. Where he places his hands and forces a random head is not really my problem. Political secks sandals never tip my likability scale. I just don’t give two damns about some man’s invasions of vagistan. Where he sticks his prick seems more like a marital conundrum than a public dilemma.

This morning I woke to a blaring report about Mr. Cain’s 90s flights of fancy. I must say it was scandalous. Not quite to the level of Big Willy President Clinton and his skeet soaked dress or the oral gaffe in the oval office but it definitely had the inner workings of ratchetness. Some are even calling for a lie detector test, seriously! There’s a reason lie detectors aren’t used in actual legal proceedings. People beat the box making them unreliable. It is nice to know though that Cain’s marriage appears to be surviving the mayhem and foolishness. I so love the good wife-ness of women who stand by politicians like Cain while they hit up the streets basketball player style with campaign groupies.

Granted the whole cheating on your wife thing does show a character flaw of sorts. Clearly he’s capable of lying but does dipping out on your wife equate to poor management skills, yo no se. While multitasking is more a female trait I’m 84.8% positive there are several men quite capable of managing a business (read country) and cheating on their spouses. In the vein of I did not have seckual relations with that woman, really who was hurt by that ordeal? The Pres left the country with a surplus and Hillary is the secretary of state. Seems like a pocket full of winners if you ask me, well of course there’s Linda Tripp but you saw her face life already drop kicked her long before the scandal broke. One wonders if Dubya got down with the get down if the state of the nation would have been different…probably not I have trouble believing his multitask game is on point. You know because he has difficulty composing actual sentences, years of narcotic abuse I guess. Michelle O looks like she has a killer upper cut so I’m just gonna hold a big ole no comment sign over Barack, I’m just saying. She looks like she throws a mean punch.

But to the point I don’t automatically side with chicks being victims in these scandals. Yup I know my feminist card’s been revoked and thrown overboard. If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times women who marry politicians and sports stars believe in polygamy. History teaches us that governor types aren’t about that committed life space. I mean how many tramps with bastid children need to dougie out the closet before the world realizes that these things aren’t skeletons but simply the way they operate. Maybe it’s me; I’ve been known to be slightly cynical when I talk about all things romantical. If wives/girlfriends stick around for the festivities don’t go expecting the American public to fight your marital battles. I didn’t stand before family and friends pledging fidelity. All I need from elected officials is to keep the public safe, balance the budget and create jobs. Nowhere does it state keep your pants on, it would be nice but definitely not a requirement.

In Herman Cain’s case this scandal won’t blow over until an equally discrediting story jumps out the closet of another candidate or he confronts his accusers. But honestly does that prove anything? The man said he didn’t do it. Short of a time machine with window seating how can he prove an action didn’t occur to folk who didn’t bear witness. Is it because he’s supposed to represent the people that grit under his nails makes him an improper candidate? No one’s perfect. Aren’t we the nation of forgivers? Isn’t this the same public excusing the odd possible pedophile-ness of Michael Jackson opting to remember him solely as the King of Pop? Don’t get me wrong Give in To Me and Dirty Diana are the absolute hashish and cheese grits but it in no way airbrushes the smudges on his almost pristine record. Of course that is a pop metaphor and maybe that’s comparing apples and oranges, me no know.

If I’m being honest with you, I expect a seck scandal every time someone enters the political arena. Why? Glad you asked, because I’ve grown up in the era of seck scandals. It’s like getting warm butter popcorn at the movies, a given. If someone’s not a closet homosexual he’s probably a womanizer, sort of just goes with the territory. At some point when do these acts of “inappropriateness” become moot? I know I know the victims! And believe me I’m not making light of sexual harassment. It is a problem. No one should be forced into a position where she feels without sharing the nanny girl her job hopes reduce to zero or her safety goes out the window. I get that! Seriously I do unfortunately in these political escapades I find hella opportunists and very few victims.

Anywho what says you folks, have I oversimplified this issue? Does it matter to you if an elected official gropes random chicks? Gets his housemaid pregnant? Cheats on his dying wife? Hires expensive whores with the public’s money (oh wait I have a problem with this one, you know the whole public’s money part)? As always to share is to care and hasish!

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Comments
2 Responses to “Pop Culture Wednesday: Secks and Politics Go Together Like Peanut Butter and Jelly”
  1. cardiogirl says:

    LOVE this:

    Michelle O looks like she has a killer upper cut so I’m just gonna hold a big ole no comment sign over Barack, I’m just saying.

    I swear I read somewhere that politicians, in particular, have hugely inflated egos and as they rise to power they begin to feel entitled to whatever they want. And then there’s always someone waiting in the wings to stroke that ego.

    Ugh, I have no idea why anyone would want to be in the public eye or would want to be married to someone in the public eye.

    *wipes her hands together and walks away*

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola Cardio,

      So I totally believe that politicians and movie stars and super star athletes operate in a world of inflated egos. In some ways I think it’s probably hard to think of yourself as normal when everyone around you is telling you your hashish don’t stink. Even with admitting that I don’t excuse their behavior but I also don’t have sympathy for the women who choose to marry and/or date these men. Its like getting burnt when you touch the hot stove…hello idiot the stove is hot what did you expect! Of course I’m really not the right person to give relationship advice considering my issues with commitment and lack of overall mushy feelings.

      Side note outside of the general eye candy/haute-ness of certain celebrities I don’t see the allure either.

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