Pop Culture Wednesday: Sometimes I Do is Really I Don’t

If this doesn't look like a couple that will stand the test of time, I just don't know who is?

Being posted in Hollywood for the weekend I felt privy to the inside track on star news. Especially since some random paparazzi type reporter on the corner of Hollywood and McCadden announced that surprisingly Kim Kardashian and her boytool of the moment were calling it quits. Shocking! What does marriage mean anymore? While some among us struggle to be given the right to be married others spit in the face of the “sacred” union for publicity and selling of one’s brand. I mean unlike diamonds, Kim’s I do came with an expiration date and most assuredly wasn’t forever. Come on son, no one believed her for one minute. Maybe Kris Humphries proving again that 1 really is the loneliest number. Some might make the argument that Kris read the writing on the wall and said hell let me ride this mutha until the wheels pop off, what else do I have going for me…not much right!

Don’t get me wrong, Kris Humphries was hella right when he told Kim that 5 years ago she was just a chick from the valley with a boutique and an asstastic body (he might not have said that last part). Yeah but that 5 years seems so long ago, she’s all about forgetting where she came from. Wet behind the ear teens and even some predults (adults in age but not in action) can’t even spell her smash partner Ray J’s name (for a number of reasons, our schools are definitely leaving our children’s minds behind) but show me someone who doesn’t know Kim Kardashian. She’s truly an empire of 1 with a couple of sidekicks. Unlike Tito and Jermaine, Kourtney and Khloe can’t even sing or dance!

Now this may come off as a wee bit harsh but I think Kim’s probably boring in person, which in my mind means she’d probably make a dull arse girlfriend and thus an unlikely wife candidate. Of course I’m not a man so I don’t biologically possess an additional one-eyed head to assist me with said analysis. I, in theory, understand the notion that men accept stupid, dimwitted, and sometimes dumb as a pocket of rocks when it comes in pretty packaging but I feel like that would get crazy annoying after awhile. Maybe it never does, yo no se. I feel like that would make me scream if I came home to some hot guy who couldn’t make me laugh away a craptastic work day…maybe I’m thinking about this the wrong way though.

At least Kim let the ink on the official documents dry before filing for divorce. While 72 days is a short incubation period for irreconcilable differences she definitely had time to catch and cure pneumonia. As quickie marriages with simultaneous divorces go Kim and Kris didn’t even break the record, that’s right Britney you did it again! These folks destroy the whole notion of what marriage is all about. Marriage much like playing spades at a BBQ is hella serious business. The vows aren’t just for kicks and giggles. It should mean something to stand before your maker (whichever deity you chose to claim) friends, and family declaring your undying love.

One has to question if these two even care about each other. In my mind, Kim isn’t even attracted to Kris Humphries. Not that he’s floating on fugly island with Carrot Top and Flava Flav…but he does have an interesting thing about his face rendering me completely incapable of determining his level of attraction. I’m sorry I just can’t decide if he’s ugly or not. Not to mention listening to him talk reminds me why athletes pay folks to complete their homework. Kicking all that to the side of the road, standing Kris next to the former boys a voice screams one of these things is not like the other. Maybe it’s the lack of melanin, me no know!

Celebrities and reglahs ain’t about that marriage struggle no more, I mean in 72 days can you even claim you been through some hashish! Excuse the narsty but that’s only two menstrual rotations, he hasn’t even seen the fifty eleven emoticons living within. Cultivating a life long relationship requires attention to the seedlings. You can’t expect flowers to bloom if you’re not watering the garden. As the friend in my head, Tim Gunn would say, make it work! You know minus gross negligence like walking in on him chexing your bestie, his bestie or physical violence. You know what I’m saying.

Personally if I ever get married that hashish is for life…unless I meet up with Amir Khan or Lance Gross because in which case I’m bailing faster than a slut in church. I’m just saying consider, we all have our limits. What says you did you think the marriage would last the test of time? Do you think it was the ole flim flam flummox for rating purposes? As always to share is to care and hashish!

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