Book of Questions Friday: Do Children Change the Face of a Relationship?

Once you're at this point in the pregnancy there's really no turning back...

Writers Note: So faithful readers I’m starting new blogs series here on Snarkyasiwant2b. Not for any particular reason besides it’s my place and I live here. As normal Monday will continue to be rants with atmosphere, Wednesday is transforming from Hashish My Brother Says to Pop Culture Wednesday and Friday is moving from Yoga is Practical to the Book of Questions Friday. I want to keep hashish moving and these are the new vehicles. Either love me or leave me alone. Because I’m a credit giver, Fridays’ book of questions idea comes from a blogger I admire, Cardiogirl. She’s awesome and the stories about Cardio Manor are hootlariously epic. Check her out at your leisure. In the spirit of sharing is caring I will answer the questions as honestly as possible despite their all up in my business nature.

Without further ado, the Friday question is, If tomorrow you found out that you and your partner conceived a child, how might you react? How do you think it might change the relationship?”

Of course start with a baby question. Well it’s popular knowledge that after a 3 year on again off again relationship with The Spaniard I am very much single. I’d say and loving it but that would be overselling a market I don’t particular lurve that much, recall the summer of wonderfuls. But anyways for the sake of selling ice cream in Hades let’s run with The Spaniard as my baby daddy. Not completely ridonkulous but close enough to reality that folks in the know won’t side eye me out in the public.

Many who partake of my blog in sips or oversized gulps know children are not my favorite. Don’t get me wrong, children are awesome creatures and blessings for those equipped and willing to put in the ginormous amount of work required to raise them properly. I’m having trouble locating that gene in my body. If I woke up tomorrow, pissed on a stick that came back reading preggers I would scream, violently fugly cry and wall slide until my back was raw. Yeah it’s just that deep for me. Wander on the other hand might cartwheel down the hall of her apartment complex knowing her forever dream of Granny-dome was coming true.

After the earlier shenanigans I’d make the normal round of calls to the besties confirming the passing of my singlehood tomfoolery. No more irresponsible shoe binges in my near or far future. And then the to task of breaking the news of the impending bundle to my baby daddy, God how I hate that colloquialism. It should die 100 painful deaths.

Anywho The Spaniard never tired of fantasizing/conjuring up our happy family. He told me in so many terms that he expected at least 4 kids in his future. Part of me believes he whipped up our suburban life just to make me uncomfortable about my skin. His initial over the moon-ness would fade very quickly as he realized that he’d have to break the news to his mother. Oh let’s not delve into the umbilical type stronghold this woman still has on an alleged grown arse man. Mama Spaniard was not about that having a child out of wedlock life. Not that Wander is either but the difference is Mama Spaniard already has grans. And thus the marriage death grip begins for this scenario.

Not only would I have to adjust to the idea of having a baby I’d also be planning a quickie combo religion wedding. Pump the brakes son! The Spaniard is Muslim. And when I say that I don’t mean in name and not practice. He’s a practicing Muslim in the vein of no drinking, no touching during Ramadan, prayer 5 times a day and missing in action on Friday Muslim. All those who said I was incapable of compromise. That there is a whole lot of compromise on a silver arse platter, but I won’t go there because that ain’t the question. My trouble, I don’t want to marry someone just because I’m with child. I want to marry someone because I love him and we both want to plan a life together in snuggie cuddling heaven. Yeah I went there, I have my moments.

Our land of make believe conversations about our racially ambiguous baby would halt and be replaced by real talk. Big girl panties and grown man boxers are oh so necessary. Recall the 100% Muslim 100% of the time, how does that translate? The wedding would be no problem because Muslim men are able to marry outside of their faith. Wonderful but uh I’m not raising a Muslim. Sorry but no short of fifty eleven of my uncles are pastors and I subscribe to JC also known as Jesus Christ for those in the know. Troubles! While I would definitely agree to exposing my child to both faiths and allowing my kid as an adult to walk to Christ ←-see what I did right there, I wouldn’t agree to raising the child one or the other. Knowing The Spaniard and his uncompromising devotion to his faith this would create a ginormous rift in our happily ever after about as wide as the parting of the red sea. He would never agree to bi-religious exposure. He communicated this to me shortly before our breakup. WTH dude I even bent over while you refused to partake in every holiday even those of non-religious affiliation. It was a ginormous eye-opening slap in my face! Did it have a bearing on us not being together…partially! Proving that love doesn’t conquer all.

Consider I was willing to even bear children for this man and not little brown babies that Wander and I envisioned for me when I was a child, but mulatto babies of tri-racial persuasion. You know the ones that walk into a room and you can’t pinpoint their place of origin, yes those kinds of new age wonder! Not to mention the baby at all, we know I don’t run in that playground. I thought long and hard about this and decided that on top of a lot of other hashish The Spaniard and I couldn’t agree on, THIS took the cake and ultimately closed the casket on our love affair. It wasn’t pretty but it wasn’t un-pretty either! It was a big arse pitchfork in the road with us walking separate ways agreeing not to contact each other again because it is just too painful. God is the funniest comedian.

Oh so I went hella personal on this one…I feel naked with clothes on but as always to share is to care and hashish. What says you, If tomorrow you found out that you and your partner conceived a child, how might you react? How do you think it might change the relationship?”

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6 Responses to “Book of Questions Friday: Do Children Change the Face of a Relationship?”
  1. cardiogirl says:

    You are too awesome!

    If tomorrow you found out that you and your partner conceived a child, how might you react? How do you think it might change the relationship?

    Oy vey, this would be really stressful. I have three kids (11, 8 and 6) and I’m 43. My youngest would seriously be damaged for life if I had another baby. That kid is SUCH a last born. So besides that I swear I’d have a nervous breakdown if I found out I was having a baby. Gah.

    I’d be in tears. That’s how I would react.

    This would put major — hella — stress on Mr. C and me. I know we’d figure out how to cope, and stay out of jail while we were figuring it out, but I don’t want to go down that road.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola CG,

      Crying seems to be a universal truth for everyone…some are tears of joy and others are tears of anguish. I’m positive that both you and Mr. C wouldn’t resort to sticking up banks Bonnie and Clyde style to support another mouth in Cardio Manor. I do however agree that four kids just sounds like torture. I apologize for offending anyone with that last statement. IDK why but three seems reasonable but four pushes you into some kind of alternative universe that you won’t ever be able to escape.

  2. i’m all kindsa late but i love a challenge even when it seems that the expiration date may have passed. additionally, i’m intrigued by the punk-dom that is the address of your other readers who’ve opted out of this crazy “what if” game. motive #3–the innerwebs are public playground & on the off chance the The Beau stumbles upon this footprint on this invisible yellow brick road, some of this convo is already held.

    soooooo….coming from a different perspective, that of the woman who can’t bear children without assistance, if this were to happen for me it would a miracle of the MOST EPIC proportions. ecstatic doesn’t have enough letters to describe how i would feel if i were to discover i was randomly carrying the little m&m of The Beau. i can see myself, all full of ridiculously annoying giggles, trying to express to him, all not ready with his 9 years my jr arse, that–in the words of the incomparable Sister Sledge–WE ARE FA-MI-LY!! & this ain’t bout no sisters.

    i could find all kindsa avenues to travel with this but, aside from getting over the motherhood bug & catching it & returning it & catching it again–i’m sure that natural nurturer in me would land on the side of happiness at having the opportunity to actually live out my once-upon-a-time mommy dreams. & i’d hope that the progression of our relationship would remain on track, not speed raced to some finish line that wasn’t previously there, so that we could just grown naturally into the role of parents, loving each other as Boo & Beau.

    dripping with romance. i know… sorry.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Girl Hey,

      Play nice with my other readers, LOL! I recognize that this series of questions gets a little personal and don’t expect everyone to partake in the hootenanny.

      This was soooooooo heart felt and simultaneously mushy I can’t even think about writing something snarky because I’m thoroughly caught off guard. Now I will say that I hope this happens for you. I can’t think of a more deserving person. I’m throwing good mojo your way.

      Now what is this 9 years your junior…what did I miss? Did I skip a post on your side of the innawebs? You robbing the cradle something vicious girl, get em!

      • Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

        My response was a little pancake worthy wasn’t it? I can’t help it. I love me some Him.

        As for him age…well, I never mentioned it out in these streets. Benetton Boo, turned Benetton Beau, is my junior. & I don’t feel like I’ve robbed his cradle so much as I feel like we’ve rocked each other’s. & that isn’t a sexual reference. Just hearts wide open & out here doin’s something new.

        It’s the effin best!!

  3. Pier says:

    soooooo….coming from a different perspective, that of the woman who can’t bear children without assistance, if this were to happen for me it would a miracle of the MOST EPIC proportions. ecstatic doesn’t have enough letters to describe how i would feel if i were to discover i was randomly carrying the little m&m of The Beau. i can see myself, all full of ridiculously annoying giggles, trying to express to him, all not ready with his 9 years my jr arse, that–in the words of the incomparable Sister Sledge–WE ARE FA-MI-LY!! & this ain’t bout no sisters.
    +1

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