Dating & Mating: The Summer of Trojan Horses and Unicorns!

Two mythical creatures, their powers can be used for good but we know how that usually works...

While dipping my toes into the semi deep end of the dating pool I encountered some gents of ill repute. True a Reglah Gent or two showed their faces but overall it was a subpar dating summer BBM sad face! I’d blame the boytools but the lion share of culpability screams Faith…I’m all about taking personal responsibility, no dead beat dads. Last week, I shared with you lovelies that this past summer I met Fake Nice Guys, Adult in Body Kid in Mind Dudes, Trojan Horses and Unicorns. Because I’m nice like that I’ll explain the problems with each of the men in these categories without going into specificities, you know that whole protecting peeps privacy and hashish. I’m not a spot blower…just ain’t my way.

The Fake Nice Guy (if you follow the blog these words are a repeat but still ring true)

This monster complains religiously that nice guys finish last while secretly disliking women for years of dateless nights in high school. He is the quintessential reverse geek but not in that cute Matthew Gray Gubler way. Reverse Geeks or Fake Nice Guys (FNG) typically exhibit a woe is me attitude and refuse to see the reason why they epically fail in romance. More often than not they have ill developed personalities with no leg left to stand on besides “nice.” Sorry fella but nice and dull does not a couple make. Please take up a hobby. Tell me something about anything you’re passionate about even if that something is botany. Grow them trees boy, grow them trees!

Believe it or not women actually like nice men. Let the truth marinate a bit. I know you smell what I’m cooking. Chicks stalk the streets in hot pursuit of the men that open doors, stand when we walk into a room and walk on the outside willing to take the full brunt of a car if said vehicle hops the curb. FNG’s believe these actions entitle them to the panty drawls while actual Nice Guys recognize being a gentleman is it’s own reward.

Adult in Body Kid in Mind Dudes

Seems rather self-explanatory really. The dudes that fall into this category appear, at least on the surface, as age appropriate men. In actuality they’re nothing more than teenage boys still very much in need of surrogate mothers in other words, mama’s boy. Since I’m not even sure if wee people are in my immediate or far off future these gents are up there on the list of folk I deplore running into on the Illadelphian streets. I have enough things and people to look after in my everyday life without adding a child that eats grown folk portions. I don’t enjoy cutting meat nor do I wipe asses.

Don’t get me wrong, men who have amazing relationships with their mothers are great! Chicks fail to realize that absolute respect for one’s mother in no way translates to stand by your woman-ness. And why would it? Glad you asked! The relationship is completely different. Romantic and familial loves are not identical twins. They’re similar but definitely only cousins twice removed, in my best estimation. So it would stand to reason that just because a man believes his mother shyts roses in no way equates to you being the bees knees. You’re welcome to whatever you like but dating a man who requires mother-esque guidance doesn’t strike my fancy.

Trojan Horses

Most folk who passed a combination of high school English and/or History know the story of the Trojan War and are quite familiar with the strategy employed to win the 10 year battle. As such I will not go into the story right now, but know the key characteristics of the Trojan Horse ploy ring true in any man I describe as such. Some might also classify the TH as a player but I don’t subscribe to that magazine. True players fully disclose their harems and women still vie for their attention. Possessing that magic stick presents as a prize to smitten peeps of the female persuasion and as such they’re willing to bust the windows out your car or rip out hair weave whichever comes first. I’m not here to judge, do you boo boo!

What leaves me semi seething about the Trojan Horse is the game playing. I really really dislike game players. Yes yes chicks say this all the time but I’m a staunch supporter of saying what I mean and meaning what I say, straight up with no chasers. Now Trojan Horses present as your typical suitor. A man interested in pursuing a relationship but in actuality his main goal is the panty drawls. Aye Chihuahua! Believe me there’s no love lost if you tell me all you want is a quickie. Seriously I won’t be offended. What does offend me is wasting my time in the land of make believe pretending the downtown bonanza’s not your only goal. Unlike misplaced keys time can’t be found and used again.

Besides men are somewhat deluded into believing that all womenfolk are actually looking for a relationship. As much as a woman can be used for her goodies too can a man, equal rights and hashish. Trust all of y’all (read men) aren’t marriage material, I’m just saying!

Unicorns

Ah the mystical world of the Unicorn. Unicorns are interesting. In some ways they mirror the Trojan Horse with a small distinction. I use this term very loosely because most men don’t fall into this category. A Unicorn is the prototype. On the surface the Unicorn presents himself as the model of all things right with dating men. Polite, assertive when he needs to be, listens when you talk, funny, smart you know the type that unpacks emotional baggage so effortlessly you don’t even realize it’s been placed on a shelf. Some might call this a moment of exhaling. I caution though because like any prototype there are hidden flaws.

True no one is perfect and this is the reason why a Unicorn is ever so deadly. It’s very difficult to see the reality of a person if you’re blinded by perfection. And that really is the clue. Sam Keen said it best, “Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” What I take from this, if it’s too good to be true it probably is. I need someone who’s got a little grit under his nails…not literally because we know I’m a germ-o-phobe. Prototypes are for laboratories and display cases not to be let loose in the free world for consumption. This is how chicks end up with 2 kids and a husband who’s flown the coop.

My chicas please pay attention to the signs. Anywho what says you, have I missed any category of man? Do you agree or disagree with my assessments? Would you make any changes? For the gents in the group speak on the categories we womenfolk fall in. Let me know in the comments as always to share is to care and hashish!

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Comments
5 Responses to “Dating & Mating: The Summer of Trojan Horses and Unicorns!”
  1. cardiogirl says:

    Today’s favorite:

    “…without adding a child that eats grown folk portions…”

    Hmm, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated so I’m not sure if you’ve missed anyone. The only other one I can think of is The Stalker. Sometimes he seems off from the start and sometimes he seems normal. But he. Never. Stops. Calling. Doesn’t take a gentle hint and sometimes doesn’t take a frying pan to the head.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola CG,

      LOL the Stalker is both funny and scary right? I actually believe there is a stalker spectrum. On the far left it’s just annoying phone calls and the far right that’s the person who requires physical intervention and restraining orders. I prefer stalker lites, you know the ones who live closer to the left side of life. The others are just well a police intervention waiting to happen and I don’t need that type of drama in my life space.

  2. did your arse say, “grow them trees, boy, grow them trees?”
    seriously?!? lawd…

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Aweez,

      I believe I did…I feel it’s only right for a chick to support her dude in all his righteous endeavors, LOL!

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