Dating & Mating: Tapping into the Green Eyed Monster

Inside of most women lies a jealous itchba...I'm not saying she's gonna turn green but there's a good chance she'll upgrade you if you push her buttons.

On Monday I suggested that once a man gets thrown into the friend zone his best escape would be tapping into female jealousy. Before female-folk jump down my throat for giving up secrets, I think this is probably more like stating the obvious. All people suffer from feelings of jealousy but the behaviors we exhibit due to that emotional situation vary depending on gender. This is not to say that men aren’t just as jealous as women…I’d go out on a limb and say they’re more jealous but going emo, no Aubrey Drake Graham, breaks man-code and is the opposite of segsi. These anti-segsi emo barriers don’t apply to women. Chicks are expected to over dramatize romantic situations. Men love crazy dramatic women, but this is another post for another day.

My point? Yes my point, tapping into female jealousy will get women to take notice and escalate your position to the potential date-able. Why? Glad you asked! Everyone wants someone she can’t have. Knowing that someone else digs your particular brand of segsi perks interest. Not to mention winning a challenge sweetens the pot. Someone who falls into your lap sans chase is never the one who gets your juices flowing. Yes I know it makes no sense but chick logic is not always on par or instep with actual logic. Not that dude logic is either but as I said earlier another post for another time.

Just the other day I had a mini discussion with The Best Friend about female jealousy. She assured me that her dating and mating style excludes jealousy but includes being territorial. To this I gave a cruel and unusual side eye o____0! To me they are branches along the same tree. If not brothers definitely second cousins twice removed and hashish. One without the other seems highly improbable. In my mind, a jealous person by definition would be territorial and someone who is territorial as it pertains to a romantic relationship is jealous, no? I tried to explain this to the bestie without being condescending. To prove my point, because being wrong is not a color I wear well, I enlisted my pal Merriam Webster.

Merriam Webster defines jealous as:

  1. intolerant of rivalry or unfaithfulness
  2. disposed to suspect rivalry or unfaithfulness
  3. hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage
  4. vigilant in guarding a possession

At least in my eyes the 4th definition clearly identifies someone who’s possessive and thus a territorial person is always jealous. My issue with falling victim to jealousy is the notion of ownership that’s implied. Love, lust or whatever other emoticon you apply to romance manipulates the brain to believe another person transforms into an inanimate object that can and will be possessed. Unfortunately humans unlike objects don’t take well to ownership, no indentured servitude. This however doesn’t stop the lust love struck from exacting that level of owning over another. Here’s where the real problems begin.

Jealousy leads to questionable behavior, the most prevalent snooping. If you turn enough rocks eventually you’ll unearth dirt. This dirt may or may not be relevant but once jealousy infects you, its poison distorts your reality. So distorted that text messages from a chick before your current manfriend even knew you existed morphs into the beginning stages of WWIII. I envision lots of eye rolling and neck motions, of the you ain’t spit variety. This makes my cornflakes soggy and I hate soggy cornflakes.

Snooping is a major no no. Not only is it dishonest it also signifies a level of batshyt crazy in your genes. I’m just saying it really does. In a mature relationship me answering your phone or vice versa doesn’t produce feelings of mass hysteria. I might even look at your pictures and dare I say your text messages in plain sight. One because neither of us should have things to hide and two well I’m not a liar. If I like someone else I’ll tell you that long before you’d find anything in my phone. No need to go through the many stages of insanity coming up with clever potential password combinations of my birthday, first puppy’s name or year of graduation. Who has time for this level of sleuthing without getting paid? Oh yeah batshyt crazy chicks. Hence my advice, that men who invoke the jealousy demon will possess most women’s psyches, no exorcist. Oh and if you’re an arsehole to boot she might just make you breakfast.

Granted I have no real empirical evidence to support these notions, just observations as I live and let live. What says you, do you believe that women are more likely to be interested in a man if he brushes her with the jealousy monster? Do you think women are more jealous than men? How jealous are you? Territorial and jealous, are they synonyms or completely different concepts. Speak on it, as you know to share is to care and hashish!

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3 Responses to “Dating & Mating: Tapping into the Green Eyed Monster”
  1. Ice Cold says:

    Not really the jealous type, but I do get a certain satisfaction from knowing someone I’m dating is a little jealous. Only if the signs aren’t visibly clear…

    • Faith M. says:

      Selfish much…I kid I kid. I’ve come to realize there are two types of jealous chicks ones that are insecure on some level and batshyt crazy. Both seem to fare very well with the men folk for different reasons. Insecure chicks cry and batshyt chicks break stuff, pick your poison.

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  1. […] not a jealous person. No seriously when I say this men usually laugh because a female lacking a batshyt crazy jealous streak is about as rare as the Cuban Crocodile. This happy occurrence might tip my scale and I’ll join […]



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