Dating & Mating: Escaping the Friend Zone

Do you see the look on her face...exactly that's not the I wanna do you face. I'm just saying!

Over the weekend I lost my status amongst my friends as the resident slick talker. I wore my crown proudly but gladly did I pass the torch. My tongue can be vicious at times. Believe me I get it honest. Granted I’ve turned many personality leaves but at my core I’m still the chick who leads with a snarky remark, note the blog title. It’s part of my allure. Anywho Saturday morning I joined a three-way call, way typical with The Best and Nurse Friend to discuss the recent friend zone victim. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the friend zone except when your residence there occurs without your knowledge or consent. For some, the wall-less quasi relationship enclave is unavoidable and for most it is inescapable.

In the past few weeks Nurse Friend soaked up dating time with a gentleman who slightly sparked her interest. In conversation with her about this gent we (The Best Friend and I) clearly saw the writing on the wall. Unfortunately it took Nurse Friend a little longer to register she’d already friend zoned him. Sad? Sad! Once it dawned on her that despite checking off many of the items on the must have to be date-able list this man just didn’t do it for her. My number one dating rule of thumb, never force feelings.

Dating and mating lists aside when there’s no spark there’s no spark hence the nearly inescapable friend zone. It was made for a reason. My unsolicited advice to any man, make your intentions plain both quickly and within the particular woman’s comfort level (no peen pics if that’s not how she rolls) or else you risk the infamous zone of the friend. Getting trapped there is similar to being stuck in quicksand, the more you wiggle the less likely you are to get out. Those be the breaks!

Yes I know women are confusing. What they say is rarely what they actually mean, consider it an overactive imagination coupled with overanalyzing tendencies. That can be puzzling to most men who typically say exactly what they mean, except when they’re telling lies. I assume it’s a part of that ying yang conundrum. You know men are from Mars women are from Venus and all that spiel. I won’t pretend to understand the whole fiasco.

In Nurse Friend’s case she totally blind-sided her new wanna be boy-tool. Instead of recognizing the signs herself she went along with the flim flam flummox that we call dating. She entertained slight advances and even partially laughed at his jokes. A full hearty laugh at corny jokes with a slight head tilt and a hand on the leg is the true sign that a woman digs your particular brand of manly. Anywho after a couple days’ reprieve from the gent and a sideways assertion that he wanted to play house during Irene, Nurse Friend confided to me that she only thought of him, sigh as a friend. Surprise? No not really! In so many words I told her that letting him know was the next step.

Oh did she let him know. Sometimes it’s the tone that slices deep and other times it’s the words that sever the cord. In this instance the combination of both was the total knockout, no Pacquiao. Paraphrasing and taking some writing liberties (to make the euphemism PG-13 and hashish), she told him he made her feel like the Sahara dessert in a place where dryness is rarely welcome. The reverse or the female version of this insult the inability to make what rises naturally fall. Harsh? Harsh! Despite the harshness he continues to call. Masochist? Possibly. He questions the authenticity of her actions you know the whole women never mean what they say until they mean what they say. But more importantly he wants to know if he’ll ever escape the confines of the friend zone. Jury says he’s guilty and sentenced to a lifetime inside the zone of the friend.

Because women befuddle men with our hocus pocus dating styles I’ll throw you gents a bone and give you a leg up to determine whether you’ve been friend zoned. No need to thank me, I’m just nice like that.

• If a woman talks to you about her dating and mating practices with other men and seeks advice
• If she doesn’t care about her appearance when in your presence
• If she makes no exceptions to her schedule to spend time with you

Of course these aren’t foolproof rules, simply observations from the female side of life. A small nugget gentlemen, if you want to escape the friend zone tap into a little emoticon called Female Jealousy!

What says you folks, do you have any other signs that symbolize the friend zone? Gents what are some of the signs that women have hit the infamous zone of the friend, although I don’t believe men actually friend zone chicks? As always remember to share is to care and hashish!

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  1. […] On Monday I suggested that once a man gets thrown into the friend zone his best escape would be tapping into female jealousy. Before female-folk jump down my throat for giving up secrets, I think this is probably more like stating the obvious. All people suffer from feelings of jealousy but the behaviors we exhibit due to that emotional situation vary depending on gender. This is not to say that men aren’t just as jealous as women…I’d go out on a limb and say they’re more jealous but going emo, no Aubrey Drake Graham, breaks man-code and is the opposite of segsi. These anti-segsi emo barriers don’t apply to women. Chicks are expected to over dramatize romantic situations. Men love crazy dramatic women, but this is another post for another day. […]



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