No Country for Unused Ovaries…

Possibly another sign that parenting wasn't your strong suit.

Like any other alternate Friday evening I was in the shop getting my hair did. As is normal shenanigans and hootenanny ensued because that’s what happens at hair salons. We talk shyt, kick the actual factuals, sip the devil’s libations, diss dudes and get our hair twerked. Therapy, and I loves it. If I could bottle the hair salon experience and sell it I know I’d be at least a thousandaire. Somehow during my hair extravaganza on Friday we stumbled down the baby-making lane stopping abruptly at my doorstep, no country for small children.

Those in my inner circle and some on the outskirts know I’m not keen on the idea of children. Let me rephrase I think the idea of children is fantabulous but I don’t know for sure whether little people fit into my life space. This isn’t a decision I’ve come to lightly. Serious thought went into deducing that kids aren’t necessary to make my world go round. Rarely do I share this decision outside of the close confines of my inner circle because the scorn and side eye I receive after the words leave my mouth is ginormous. And really I only dig lower case side eye o_O.

Well Friday was no exception to this rule. Prevailing chick logic or at least the chicks in the shop that day said that I’d probably never been in love because of course I’d want to give some dude babies. Nope been on that manic rollercoaster twice and neither of those times did I contemplate giving either babies. We talked about babies but not at my request…maybe I was loving them wrong, yo no se! Love doesn’t come with an instruction manual. If it does I’m 74.9% positive that swollen and barefoot is not chapter 5. I’m under the impression in love my only obligation is to give myself in whole with no barriers.

Their second line of thought, equally illogical, that since I had the money to afford a child there was absolutely no reason I should not have one. I’d prefer to separate from my money by choice not force. Since when did children become a must have life accessory? Just because you can afford something doesn’t mean you buy it similar to just because they make it in your size doesn’t mean you squeeze your fat ass in it wear it. Last I checked money couldn’t parent for me. Money doesn’t spend time with children. And money doesn’t teach them right from wrong. Money therefore should never be the reason to have a child, my two cents and hashish!

Clearly Wander employed these salon women as double agents to cripple my defenses. Once every 6 months or so she throws a haymaker in my direction that’s laced with guilt about the fact that she doesn’t have any grandkids. Really? Really! I’ve already explained to Wander that I’ve concretely decided my ovaries have another five more years and after that time they’re out of commission. I won’t be anyone’s 60-year-old mother mistaken for granny at the graduation. Not that I’m trying to get pregnant because I’m not but if it happens then it’s divine intervention, no Messiah! But don’t you go feeling all verklempt for Wander because she has two perfectly capable other children to manipulate into procreation

And really am I the bad guy in this situation? I’d like to think not. Of course as the author there’s a possibility I’m biased. Me no know. Funny thing, many people who have gremlins children didn’t give nearly as much thought into having them as I’ve given to not. Sorry but sometimes kids appear to be the aftermath of some random encounter. I’d prefer to not disguise my child’s mistaken birth from him/her.

Children are serious business. Haphazardly becoming a parent is the opposite of the business. Not for nothing parenting is a job where no one can afford to fail. Failing at parenthood causes a plethora of problems not just for the failed parent, and the poorly parented child but also and more importantly for the unsuspecting bystanders. And if you’re confused unsuspecting bystanders are the general public. Badly parented kids become flash mob participants. Oh did I step on some toes? Watch your feet! If you were a better parent you probably wouldn’t take offense. I’m just saying. Keep your heathens on a leash.

Way harsh! I know but sometimes the truth much like a bloody nose received at the hand of a teenage upright ape hurts. Granted I speak from the cushy seat of a non-parent who has no real concept what it’s like to care for and raise a child. But you could be like me too! Having children is a decision that should be well thought out before ba da bing, ba da boom, little person. So ladies remember when you’re being freaky like the daughter of a pastor the end result could be the gift that keeps on giving, no STD.

The same rules apply to gents too but since women typically are the primary care giver it just made sense to say it that way.

And there you have it folks. What says you, am I simply a naïve non-parent who knows not what I say? It’s possible I form my opinions much like people have children, on the fly! ←shots fired! Have I oversimplified or overanalyzed the notion of having and raising children? Do you think all able-bodied chicks are required, money permitting, to have children? Speak on it, as always to share is to care and hashish.

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Comments
2 Responses to “No Country for Unused Ovaries…”
  1. *Yoles* says:

    bump those crumb snatching bastards or legitimates… i ma not down for kids right now either and i find it so funny how me being responsible is somehow seen as a negative on my part hence the venom in my introduction sentence… if you’re not ready, no need to make excuses or hang heads in shame…

    The Few
    The Bold
    The Childless-By Choice

    maybe i should start a support group

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola Yoles,

      I’m joining this support group proudly. It baffles me that making a responsible decision not to have children seems to be the same as saying I hate children. They are not synonyms. At least the last I checked. I actually really really like kids…enough to know I’m not ready for that challenge in my life space. Also my traditional upbringing kicks in and I would prefer to have children in the confines of a marriage.

      No ring no babies…say it loud…NO RING NO BABIES! LOL

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