Just My Two Pennies on An Interracial Fix for Black Marriage

How epic, their fight is the very one that will save black-on-black romance...who knew?

If I didn’t already know I know now that ain’t nobody checking for black women. This isn’t just an innerweb rumor any longer its all the way true. Recent studies suggest that close to 70% of black women are….wait for it….single. Drats and double drats! Since tumbleweeds blowing down black chick alley author, Ralph Richard Banks, suggests seeking boytools outside of the usual suspects, black men. Blasphemy! Granted we must give some credence to Mr. Banks article he threw in some stats that compliment his anecdotal evidence nicely. And hell the man graduated from Stanford and Harvard…by all accounts he is the bees knees! I do however think it’s a bit of a stretch to suggest that opening our arms to the United Nations of dating will improve the state of black on black love. I’m already hip to this game though. I carry a card to club Keeping My Options Wide Open. Proudly! Clearly I am not the norm though and as such a lot of my sistahs from other mistahs are casting a very very very short net and pulling back measly returns.

Banks plays an elementary school numbers game. He asserts that the number of eligible black women surpasses that of eligible black men creating a dating scene skewed in the brothas’ favor. Negros know they’re the hashish and cheese grits and play that to their advantage…bastids! As such, and since black women typically only date within the confines of Negrodium, our dudes have a cornucopia of choices. Thus black women are like buses, if you miss one there’s another just around the corner. To even the playing field Banks suggests black women embrace rainbow coalition dating. By widening the search parameters unbinding race not only would more black females find the warm and fuzzy the tactic shifts the black on black dating paradigm back to a balanced scale. The result less crime….oh no I mean more happily wedded non angry black women. Sounds fantabulous because as we know angry black women (read people) don’t tip and we can’t have that now can we.

More salt to the wound Banks insinuates….pause he states emphatically that basically black men are either in jail or uneducated thus making bad selections for black women anyway. Once you go white you’re always right…put’s that whole saying in perspective huh? That’s just way harsh. I’d take offense if I didn’t in some way think he was telling a half-truth partial-lie but that’s neither here nor there. For the love of red kool-aid and quarter water though give my dudes a break. There are some very successful black men out here and a couple of them actually want to date black women. All hope is not lost.

On a serious note, this post depressed my life space for about 2.5 nanoseconds. Mostly because I don’t subscribe to all black everything and therefore don’t feel limited in my romantic life. But my dalliance into the United Nations of Benetton had nothing to do with the exaggerations Banks points out. At the end of the day I find men attractive. My attraction is therefore not limited to black men…that would just be uncivilized and quite possibly borderline un-American. Not to mention I’m not so blind to believe that I have nothing in common with someone just because he’s not black. Before anything I am a person, being black is one of the many facets of Faith not the only. I’m not defined by the skin I’m in, until I’m defined by the skin I’m in.

To downplay the role race plays in my life would be in a word, stupid and in another impossible. Everyday I leave my house the world sees my blackness first and Faith second. Don’t cue the baby violins, no one cries for the plight of the black woman. I’ve grown to accept that it is what it is. Being of color, and having to think about race or better others’ perception of race can make interracial dating more of a challenge. I think more than anything (what comes next will be a gross generalization) black women don’t want to feel like we’ve given up on black love. You know we want our very own eyebrow raising ex-basketball star to cuddle up with and shot buckets for clothes. EPIC! Of course we also all want chocolate babies. Our biological clocks scream bring us brown babies, and we all know when a clock screams it must be answered. I’m just saying alarm clocks are annoying. Agreed? Agreed! And who really wants to draw the diagram for blackness. I mean if I have to explain why I prefer the term smell goods to perfume I will go apeshyt on you. Sarcasm? Yo no se!

Hurdles abound! My real panty bunch with the article is this 70% figure. So let me kick the actual factuals for a second, statisticians are magicians. You can get a stat to support anything your little heart desires. You want to know why because numbers can be manipulated. Yeah I know math is exact and hashish, only when it isn’t. Let us take a spin on rough math, 100% of black women (1000) are not in the business of marriage. I’d guestimate that 10-15% (150) of the population of black women could give two flying shyts whether they marry or not. X out another subset of the pie for things like non-interest in peen, disability and felony another what 10% (100). In addition there is a population of folk who live in marital relationships with no papers, the unmarried but married underbelly if you will, another 15%. (150). So let’s see roughly we’re left with about 60% or 600 of the actual black female population yearning for marriage. The question becomes of that population how may of them actually never marry.

Using Banks original 30% figure or 300. That would mean that 50% of the black females that want to get married actually get married. Still below their Hispanic and Non Hispanic White counterparts but not by the staggering numbers suggested. Of course I’m not a numbers freak and could have done this rough math wrong. And all of this can be blown out the water by this simple question, how are we defining black…ohh I won’t touch that one.

My advice, black women expand your horizons but not because you’re trying to impact the black on black dating vortex. Do it because you never know if you like something until you try it. Speaking from my own experience, having dated the racial gambit, skin color is nothing more than packaging. Men are far more similar than dissimilar.

What says you folks, do you think if black women begin dating outside of their racial confines more black on black marriages will occur? Why do you think black women are so segregated when it comes to dating and mating? Do you think Banks has a point? What were your first thoughts when you saw the 70% figure? As always to share is to care and hashish.


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