Monday Ranting/Blog Challenge Post 11: The Keys to My Heart the Where are They Now Edition…

Only two men have held this key...but right now I'm holding onto it tight!

Over the years the combination of characteristics required of a potential boo has changed. As I grew, from tomboy Faith obsessed with TLC circa Ain’t Too Proud to Beg minus the condom eye-patch to there’s power in them Rolling Hills Faith, so too did my priorities. I’d like to think the evolution of MimiFaith through life experience and observation of others’ failing or flourishing love-thangs produced a deeper person who judges a man for the quality of his character over his Mechad Brooks Adonis DNA. For kicks and giggles I’m opening the lid on the past, resurrecting two prior versions as well as speaking for today’s Faith to see if my hypothesis is supported by the actual factuals. Have I changed my list of absolutes in order to date, chex, and potentially marry a dude? Let’s take a long walk through a time vortex down prospective boothang lane.

Pretty Boys with J.C. Williams Swagger

Although touted as being wise beyond my years, at 15 my list of necessary qualities for a gent existed as an amalgamation of storybook fantasy. In my mind I envisioned an awe-inspiring all-consuming romance akin to Sonny and Brenda a la General Hospital 1996-1997. Love was indeed a battlefield, literally and figuratively. Having no real world experience to juxtapose my cocoon of ignorance I developed the beginning list of male counterpart requirements. In my coming of age mind influenced quite heavily by pop-culture and peers nothing mattered more than looks and popularity. Insert high school boytool of the innocence stealing variety. Not having an iota of a clue what winning my heart actually meant nor understanding the true value of a woman’s worth I chased after and pinned for this consortium of superficial traits (actual excerpts from my teenage journal):

  • Must be fantabulously fione of the pretty boy basketball player type
  • Must be out of high school because we all know that searching for a boo in high school is as useless as searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie
  • Must drive or have a place of his own – budding skeezer was I
  • Must be down for whatever – inquiring minds want to know whether young Faith was sticking up corner stores on the weekend
  • Must be tall with big feet – I 100% blame this entry on my subscription to Cosmo, a place where young females encounter stupid arse-backward chex, love and relationship advice

Cocky “Conscious” Boys I Wants It

If I de-romanticize my boytools after high school a running theme exists amongst the group, a large dose of arrogant arsehole. For whatever reason maybe I was delusional I stumbled haphazardly into a masochistic phase of my life space. I replaced superficial wants with unrealistic quasi deep…all hell I remained quite shallow after high school ended well into my early to mid twenties, which resulted in my heart being trampled on by the two loves of my life thus far. What I recognize now is that I got exactly what I asked for begging the infamous question, is what you want what you need? In hindsight while I thought I was so deep, philosophizing about the great questions of the time and finding a man to delve into that world with me I was actually just cutting and pasting some shyt I heard from others about what the man of my dreams should have. Check this bullshyt arse list out from my early to mid twenties.

  • Must be ridonkulously attractive like Amir Khan, Paul Walker and/or Daniel Sunjata (from college to the recent ex that can’t be named I dated some version of these gents)
  • Must be taller than me by at least 5 inches – for whatever reason I attract some of the shortest men known to tall chicks
  • Must be my educational equivalent or higher – education is a necessary evil and I need to know you recognize that likeded and conversate are not words
  • Must be deep and have something to say to me besides sharing the weather forecast
  • Must own a passport and have a stamp somewhere besides Mexico or Canada
  • Must own a car – I don’t catch buses for peen
  • Must not have children – not looking to be anyone’s stepmother
  • Must be confident bordering on cocky – what the deuces was I thinking

Knights in Shining Armor Don’t Always Ride on Chrome

Growth thy name is Faith…somewhere between learning my ex was a tool of epic proportion and realizing all those things I thought were so important didn’t matter I came up with a real list for a gent to win my heart. A list that embodies the woman I am today and the man I’d be honored to meet.

  • Must be warm and welcoming but not overly feminine – I don’t deal well with emoting men
  • Must have a wicked sense of humor and understand my off color snark
  • Must be family oriented and totally dig that my little brother is quite possibly my closet friend
  • Must be an absolute gentleman – the kind that gives seats to old chicks on the bus
  • Must be honest and willing to share who he is with me – I want to hear his stories
  • Must be confident but not arrogant – no longer loving the douches
  • Must have realistic life goals and willing to put in the work to achieve them
  • Must be intelligent – not talking rocket scientist here but I want someone who knows that Beyonce’s lyrics in Best Thing I Never Had make no sense
  • Must be passionate about life and have interest outside of himself – dull selfish men agitate my colon

What says you, what are the things that a potential boothang must have to win your heart? How has your list changed from the younger you to the present? Do you think sometimes the things we want are not always the things we need? As always to share is to care and hashish!

Side note I still don’t do fugly men but I’m not overly concerned with exterior packaging realizing that judging a book by its cover may cost me the wonder of an exceptional story.

Stay tuned for Wednesday’s Blog Challenge Post 12 where I’ll talk about some place I’ve traveled and where else I’d like to go before it’s all said and done.

2 Responses to “Monday Ranting/Blog Challenge Post 11: The Keys to My Heart the Where are They Now Edition…”
  1. latasha says:

    I thought I was the only one that didn’t understand Beyonce’s song “Best Thing I never Had.” I’ve only heard some of it, I couldn’t fully put myself through hell and listen to the entire song.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Latasha,

      Thank you kindly for showing up to my spot on these here innanets and for leaving a comment. Now I will warn you, listening too hard to any Beyonce song could result in the loss of brain cells much like smoking mary juanna! I cannot of course confirm or deny either of these things. I will say this, what I think she meant to say was that he is the best/worst thing she never had not the other way ’round, yo no se. I shouldn’t extend anymore brain power on Mrs. Shawn Carter.

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