Monday Ranting/Blog Challenge Post 5: Some Things Just Get Under My Skin

Seriously you might as well just say unimpossible...exactly my point you look like a fool.

Most days I’m rather even keel. I don’t blow my stack very often and I rarely let people take me off my square. Despite my ability to maintain the cool there are things that crawl up my back and make me wanna holla. Only teenagers going through tortuous hormonal imbalances are tolerated for going ape-shyt and since I’m twice removed from that milestone I consolidate my ape-shyt rants to blogging. Some say po-tay-to some say po-tah-to, both are spuds and make for tasty fries.

What does that have to do with the price of cable television in Calcutta?

Nothing!

In any man’s river here’s a list of things that from time to time snap my bra strap.

Bad drivers irritate my colon and may be the sole reason I end up chillaxing with Lucifer.

On the road I takes no prisoners. Anyone can catch it. Yeah that means you too Pop-Pop. Drive your shyt or get off the road. NJ drivers are number 1 on my hit list, with their non-parallel parking arses. Every time I see a NJ license plate anger monkeys hop on my back. iCan’t with them on any level. It could be because they live in a backward state that forces you to make a right to make a left…kill yourself get off the road!

Children of ill repute easily hit a 7 on my 1-10 scale of pissed-off-ness.

Patience grows from enduring painful situations or at least this is what I’m told. I’d like to leverage the patience I’ve developed from dealing with stupid adults to dealing with park apes… I mean other people’s children.

Along the same vein, parents of the children of the corn ill repute are buying stock in my future stomach ulcer.

News flash if your kid is bad between the ages of 2-12 you failed at life. Different from failing a test in school where other tests help to average out your overall grade, this is absolute failure. Failure with no possibility for parole, sorry it’s true. Unfortunately I can’t fire you Donald Trump style because you’re the only one who loves that gremlin unconditionally. Unloved bad kids become serial killers and the streets really don’t need that grief.

Shoppers who bring fifty eleven items into the 10 items or less lane at the market.

Oh so you just gone be brolic and bum rush the line with all your grocery wants and needs. It’s not going down like that on my watch, no sir. I’m snitching or let me rephrase I snitch in my head. Just know I called your mom a raggedy toothless heaux. Yes that’s how I roll.

Back/passenger seat drivers attempting to pilot from their position of non-power.

Ok so here’s a tip when you scream at me while driving to watch the elderly women 1000 ft away you’re not helping. Anyone who knows me already recognizes I drive fast. Love it or don’t board the ship. My driving record speaks for itself, besides a minor mishap a couple of weeks after securing my license its impeccable baby. Do me a favor practice the fine art of shutting up, thanks in advance.

Please don’t ever ask me why I haven’t called you unless you really want an honest answer.

This is directed mostly at men. If you’d like to have your feelings hurt by all means saddle up Johnny. A very simple rule of thumb, if I didn’t call I didn’t want to talk to you and if I didn’t say I missed you…I didn’t. It really can’t get much more honest than that.

Extended textersation drives me batty!

Unless it’s during working hours or I initiated the conversation via text I probably don’t want to have an extended text-a-thon. Why? Well simply the time it took for us to pitch text back and forth for an hour equals a five-minute chitchat. Please don’t waste my time.

Time is very important to me, please don’t be late.

THIS is probably the number one pet peeve of mine. I consider being late a sign of disrespect and will find no qualms with leaving said destination without notice. Yes I have and I will. Time is precious. It’s one of the few things in this life you can’t get back. I’d like to use mine to it’s fullest potential.

Men who complain about dating shallow gold diggers get major shade thrown their way.

Here’s a tip stop dating shallow gold digging heauxs. I find gold diggers much like rats of the hood relatively easy to spot. Why they’re invisible to men is beyond me. Hmm thirsty chick approaches and the first thing she asks you is how much you make and what kind of car you drive…clearly she’s an independent woman. Men trip over T&A ascribing intelligence and down to earth-ness to fat booty skeezers, epic life failure!

People who think they’re intelligent by using words that don’t actually exist i.e. conversate and any of it’s bastard derivatives including conversating or conversated.

I’m the first to admit grammar isn’t my strong suit. I’m the second to admit I combine two words and make one, no conjunction. For example horriprise is a word I use which is the miscegenation of surprise and horrified. What I do is clever, what others do reveals the fool within. It is better to be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and confirm the idiocy. I recognize that horriprise cannot be found in Merriam-Webster’s dictionary. The irregardless folk running around conversating hurted my feelings. I know that was painful to read, think of how I felt typing it.

And there you have it, those are just some things that trample my last nerve. What says you, are there things that people do, say, or think that make you wanna throw them bows? Sharing is caring. As always this is the trust tree so kick the actual factuals (I recognize that’s not a word) of your life!

Stay tuned for Wednesday’s blog challenge post 6 where I’ll shed some light on the first ten songs that play when my iPod is on shuffle! That ought to spark some controversy, I kid!

Advertisements
Comments
4 Responses to “Monday Ranting/Blog Challenge Post 5: Some Things Just Get Under My Skin”
  1. Feel you on the bad drivers. Minneapolis doesn’t know what a 4 way stop is..DRIVES…ME…NUTS!!! WILL SOMEBODY GO ALREADY!!!!!!!

    10 items or less
    “Just know I called your mom a raggedy toothless heaux. Yes that’s how I roll.”
    DEAD

    Extended textersation
    THIS… man, call me, don’t text a whole damn conversation… I will pick up the phone and dial you after the 2nd paragraph. WTH..

    Nice venting with you.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Southern Poise,

      Thanx for chillaxing in my parts of the innerwebs I appreciate it. A special thanks for letting me know I should avoid all things Minneapolis. Slow drivers and folks who have trouble following the signs as labeled make me morph into the incredible hulk.

  2. *Yoles* says:

    snarky… we are cosmic twins, soul sisters or something else to say we are on.the.same.page!!
    the state that gets my extreme hate for their drivers is florida… what the hell is wrong with them.. its like they are all 65yr olds just learning to drive… its the damn sunshine state.. MOVE YOUR @SS!!!!!

    i hate pedestrians that always think they are right even when jay walking, coming out from in between parked cars, standing in the street getting ready to cross while the light is still green and on and on…

    i’m at work so i can’t go on but there are many ppl on my list…

    • Faith M. says:

      Yoles,

      We are e-sistahs from another mistah!!! I find all things in the south move slow. They also talk very very very slow. WTF I need to get to work and I can’t have pointless 1hr conversations with you and all we talked about it how my mornings’ going. UGH

      Pedestrians are crazy out here in the streets. They think they can willy nilly walk in front of your car. They better be lucky my brakes work…I assassinate them in my head. I consider that therapy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: