Hashish My Brother Says – Y’all Know How to Blow Up a Spot…

Yes that's how it usually looks right before she lays the smack down!!!!

For reasons I can’t fully understand, mostly because my brother and I look like opposite sex twins, people confuse us for a couple. Maybe it’s because we’re together a lot and laughing appearing happy couple like that people mistake us for being together. It makes me feel nasty inside my skin! It’s also quite funny because we aren’t each other’s type. As it stands TLB likes petite chocolate chicks and I like tall darknesses when I’m not traipsing around with someone the antithesis of black. Not that I have anything against my lite skinted brethren, y’all just don’t ruffle my tail feathers.

In any man’s river TLB and I were at the Fresh Grocer on Chelten Avenue scooping up viddles for dinner when he struck up a conversation with the cashier. Anxiety and perplexity ran across her face as she attempted to flirt but not flirt with him while I stood there. He made a funny, she stifled back a laugh, and I just chuckled on the inside. As we walked back to the car this conversation took place.

TLB: You saw her face.
Me: Yeah she was a little shook.
TLB: I think she thought we were together.
Me: Yeah I know, don’t know why though it wasn’t like I was throwing shade her way or popping fly.
TLB: You right. But bet y’all do know how to blow up a spot talking out of pocket and loud and what not for no reason.
Me: Women are crazy but I don’t embarrass myself like that.
TLB: True you different ha ha but sometimes it backfires and y’all getcha feelings hurt
Me: Real talk.

Another chick in the hen house rouses women’s bat shyt crazy meter to the highest levels. As TLB mentioned I’m not about that life all that much unless I feel disrespected. I’m more worried about showing my entire arse in the public. This is a major no no! I live by the motto, passed down by Wander, errrbody don’t need to know your business. This is not to say I don’t have my moments because I do belong to the female species where busting balls is not only expected but required. Who am I to rage against the machine?

Over the years I’ve noticed that women get out of pocket about a couple of things when it comes to men. Most times it has something to do with other women but not always. Some of these situations are avoidable and others me no know.

Mildy attractive chick whiplash!

Unless this other chick is Stacey Dash-like you should keep both your eyes and head in your significant other’s direction. This recommendation could save your life or in the very least the back of your neck. Women love putting hands on men. I don’t fully understand nor condone the compulsion but at any rate I’ve seen this happen countless times. A chick of mild attractiveness enters line of sight, man will follow said chick with his eyes and ultimately as she walks completely past his head careens Linda Blair style minus the devil possession. At that moment two things happen, his neck catches a cramp from the angle of turn-age and the back of his neck’s burning.

Burning you say?

Oh yeah burning from the full palm slammed against the back of his head from his girl. If she’s really about that life she may also have jumped up and said something like I know you not looking at that bish!

Talking kindly to another women can be misconstrued as flirting.

Along the same vein of mildly attractive chick whiplash is misconstrued flirting. A friend of mine says that I flirt religiously with reckless abandon. While I disagree with her assessment I can see how being nice to someone might lead one erroneously down the lane of flirting. This may or may not be the same affliction many men suffer from, yo no se!

Problem here is not the niceness per se because I think women want men to be nice to them and other women. The problem is most some women read niceness as an invitation to segsi time. And since women have the leg up on how other women think the last thing a chick wants is another hoe suspecting that her man is interested. Hence the you need to stop giving your co-worker rides to the bus stop I know that bish wants to taste the rainbow convo. A man reads this as crazy chick behavior…I agree but some women are scandalous…Alicia Keys.

Missing the minor details, also known as the land of oblivion.

I know this one is difficult to swallow. Men are typically big change noticers (yeah I just made this word up) so asking them to peep a tiny difference might open the rapture. Nothing works the last nerve of a women more than getting an inch of hair cut off with slight low lights, rushing home and her man barely bats an eye. Not only does he not notice he may even ask when she plans on going to the salon…really tho you’re that oblivious? A shoe may or may not get thrown.

More accurately women will stew in their verklempt feelings with pouty jaw. Pouty jaw and feeling some type of way leads to grandma panties and potential couch sleeping. I suggest proactive manipulation to avoid this situation, always compliment her hair and say did you do something different once a week. Even if she hasn’t gone to the salon there’s probably a part at a different angle and she will feel like you notice hashish.

I know one of these thing is not like the other but I wanted to show some diversity in crazy womenfolk or spot blowing up behavior. Not that I’m defending but at least two of these situations could be avoided, what says you are there seemingly innocent things that women go ape shit over that I missed. Do men have little volcano eruptions for no rhyme or reason?

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Comments
4 Responses to “Hashish My Brother Says – Y’all Know How to Blow Up a Spot…”
  1. cardiogirl says:

    Bravo! Favorite line today:

    “A chick of mild attractiveness enters line of sight, man will follow said chick with his eyes and ultimately, as she walks completely past, his head careens Linda Blair style minus the devil possession.”

    Excellent imagery, Faith!

    Now to comment on this statement:

    “And since women have the leg up on how other women think, the last thing a chick wants is another hoe suspecting that her man is interested.”

    I have tried, for many years, to explain that concept — with examples — to my husband. He always thinks the other chick was just being sincere even though I know she had an ulterior motive. Chicks are devious, as you know.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola Cardio,

      How goes it? I want to share with you that I’m not dating the Spaniard. No for real this time I promise no back sliding. I felt like I needed to tell you that personally.

      So anywayz I think men are oblivious to overt or covert female flirting. I don’t know why but they just don’t see when women are basically throwing the pucci in their faces. This bothers me because I think it’s oh so obvious and makes me want to resort to violence but I’m a lady and must keep my jets cool.

      I think we should make t-shirts that say Chicks are devious on the front and I have my eye on you bish on the back…might not be good for the kiddies though. Thoughts?

  2. Thank you for admitting that women are crazy. Seriously.

    ~Chappy
    http://www.insaneasylumblog.com

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Chappy,

      I feel it’s only right to state the obvious…but at the same time y’all keep coming back so what does that say about men? I believe it starts with a S and ends with a Tupid…I could be wrong! LOL you know this is all in fun my good brother all in fun!

      Side note what happened to your pic I am used to seeing the straight jacket it brings me comfort…diff e-mail I suspect?

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