Random Iskabibbles – Think of the Things I Wouldn’t Know…

Doesn't it look tempting...you can't have a good hummus platter without black olives and pita chips. I know my other friends approve this message, LOL!

Yesterday during casual conversation with my coworkers someone mentioned tanning. As summer nears tanning becomes a topic of office chitter chatter. Side note, Mom Natcha ya baldheaded hussy, I gots my eye on you collapsing seasons together all willy nilly. Normally I avoid this convo because well, it has no purpose in my world considering my 24/7/365 natural tan. What the good Lord didn’t give me by birth Mr. Sun takes care of during the hotter months. This is my typical “tanning” routine, which adds nothing colorful, insightful or humorous to the office tanning mill hence my opt out.

In any man’s river boredom forced me to listen to the tanning situation. As it turns out, at least in the eyes of my pushing 60 coworker, the other chicks in the office need to up their self-tanning game because their legs are looking a bit opaque. Oh my, the teeth do come out! I’m oblivious to this detail because well unless chicks look orange, no Snooki, I don’t much notice tanning. Which brings me to the point, long winded much? If I hadn’t adopted a rainbow coalition of friends into my operation there are quite a few things about this life I wouldn’t know. You decide if these things are for the better or for the worse.

It is possible to get a haircut in less than an hour!

I know I know this goes against the grain of everything I’ve come to know about hair care. How could one possibly get her hair cut in less than an hour? On top of that this same chica also leaves with her wallet down twenty bucks not half the electric bill. Where they do that at? Had I not seen it with my very own light brown eyes I’d think I was lying. But one of my Becky’s introduced me to a place called the Hair Cuttery where the appointment book is not a door stopper and stylist don’t eat lunch before they do your hair. Not that I’m complaining because my stylist and I are thisclose. We go back like pbj sammiches on Sunday afternoons.

While in the Hair Cuttery I also noticed that no one comes in selling bootleg movies or socks. Again, this is not a complaint because you never can have too many pairs of socks. It’s just different, a culture shock and hashish. Believe it or not the last time I was in the salon a little white man came in selling lingerie and adult toys. I imagine that kind of hootnany doesn’t go over too well in the Cuttery but someone had a bachelorette party to attend and this presented a two for one type situation. Knowing this phenomenon exists in no way means I’ll allow anyone at the Cuttery to touch my hair. The whole I’m not familiar with “ethnic” hair makes me all the way scuurred to let a Becky touch my tresses, everyone is not good at everything and ish!

Hummus are smashed up chickpeas and oh so tasty!

Normally when I do my rounds at the salad bar those little beige balls near the corn and crunchy onions get bypassed. Not because I dislike them but because their appearance is off putting. They don’t look edible until they’re mashed up, sprinkled with garlic, and called hummus. I shant tell a t-waddy the only people I know who like hummus are my fair-haired brethren and sistren. Alright some of my buppie friends recommend hummus but not with the same giddy delight. Hummus recommendations are normally followed by wine selections, byob Japanese restaurants and karaoke. I’m not mad at them because hummus is deliciousness in paste-form that you can pretty much splash across anything from vegetables to pita chips. Oh yeah they also go balls to the wall for pita chips. They are tasty though, if you haven’t you should try them.

Tanning makes you tan not darker…

OK so this one I’m not 100% clear on because in my mind when I walk out in the sun I get darker. This seems like a universal truth unless I’m speaking to my alabaster skint sistren. When they go out in the sun they get tan. I’ve had a conversation with one or two of them that went something like this.

Alabaster Sistren: I need to go tanning.
Me: Why?
Alabaster Sistren: Because it makes me look better.
Me: How?
Alabaster Sistren: You know I get tan, look slimmer.
Me: Is that so?
Alabaster Sistren: Of course you look better in your clothes when you’re tan.
Me: You mean darker.
Alasbaster Sistren: No I mean tan.
Me: I’m confused tanning makes your skin darker.
Alabaster Sistren: No you’re tan. There’s a difference.
Me: Really…I can’t tell *____*

Explain this tan but not dark mystery to me…no worries I’ll wait!

Ant and Aunt are the same person in the family.

Where I’m from ants are pest that rummage through picnics and generate havoc in kitchens. An ant is not the sister of my mother or the child of my granny. Homonyms? Heteronyms? Homophones? Me no know grade school English is but a distant memory. Aweezy as the resident teacher and hashish I’m expecting you to unlock one of life’s great mysteries, thanks in advance suga!

We all have our own twist on language. As a resident Philadelphian I know that yah mean encompasses the entirety of you know what I mean. Of course these two things aren’t spelled the same. However upon further reflection and some rather perplexing conversations I’ve come to begrudgingly accept that an ant is also the wife of my uncle, you learn something new everyday. Clearly the U’s move in silence like the real G’s in lasagna.

Those are just a few of the things that I’ve snatched up along the way while building my rainbow coalition of friendship. What says you, have you begrudgingly accepted some universal truth or discovered John Mayer? I’d like to hear your thoughts? Sharing is caring and hashish!

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Comments
One Response to “Random Iskabibbles – Think of the Things I Wouldn’t Know…”
  1. Judy Witt says:

    -It is possible to get a haircut in less than an hour and $20….if you want a crappy haircut

    -I agree, chickpeas in whole form are nasty and hummus is delicious….by the way, it originates from the middle east, so you can thank your medium skinned sistas for that stuff

    -I’ve never actually heard that there is a difference between tan and dark, unless someone wants to be orange as many self tanners will do to light skin

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