Hashish My Brother Says – Open Up the Window and Let The Bird Fly In…

Posted by Faith M. on May 18, 2011 · 6 Comments 

Doesn't he look lonely...he should definitely be let in!

There’s a running trend around my blog, readership spikes for Wednesday shenanigans also known as hashish my brother says. I’m starting to think you like him more than me. There’s no jealousy but know that he’s not nearly as personable as I make him seem…I kid I kid he really is quite the character. Just the other day we were talking about relationships, yet another conversation sparked by the Newlywed Game. Here’s a small snippet:

TLB: …how could they not be in sync when it comes to sex.
Me: Well she said he wants it all the time and she’s busy with the kids and stuff.
TLB: She need to get with the program.
Me: And what program would that be, it’s her body! She has the right to say no.
TLB: No she don’t. When they got married they became one. She need to open up the window and let the bird fly in.
Me: *___* I know you’re joking. You don’t actually believe that!
TLB: What? They married right?
Me: And?
TLB: She know the deal.
…

In that moment my brother operated as the representative for an entire line of thought owned by men. I shouldn’t generalize and lump all men in the same category but it’s my house and I live here. For shyts and giggles let’s assume besides loving, honoring, cherishing and the biggie, forsaking all others, there is another marital obligation delivering the freaky sneaky on command! Are women no longer the masters’ of their bodies? I’d like to think I’m in full control of my vajazness at all times. After 29 years we’re developed quite the trusting relationship and she knows I have her best interest at heart.

Now I’ve never walked the plank to my death been married before but I assume by wedding someone you don’t automatically lose your right to choose, no Roe v Wade. While segzi time is definitely an important ingredient to any romantic meal it is way possible to be satisfied without dessert. And not for nothing dessert is an extra not a necessity. Considering my checkered past and keeping men in the very neat box of boytool, one might consider my arguments fraudulent. What I say to that is sticks and stones bish! I fully intend to keep the cooter on lock while married if I’m so inclined.

While I understand that marriage is about compromise, my body remains my body. I’m allowed to do with it or not do with it what I want. There is no marital clause that allows my husband to have rights over the vajazness without my say. Unless I’m bat shyt crazy my hubby doesn’t hold the trump card. Any admission to the ride should be considered a reward for a job well done coupled with an expression of our union not an obligation because he put on ring on it. Is that what marriage is all about, free access to the nanny girl? If so I’m going to ride the single bus a little while longer.

Does this sound selfish? I hope not because I’m all about that couple struggle…I’m fully willing and able to prepare 3.75 meals per week, clean house (because I don’t trust men with cleaning supplies) and cosign with high fives when his team wins championships without complaint. My nagging is way low as long as you use a wash clothe, put the toilet seat down, remember that decorative towels are just that and don’t leave the bathroom rugs soggy. If an ear to listen is necessary I’m your woman however I will let you know male tears make me horribly uncomfortable if not proceeded by a sports victory or a death. And even in some instances when grown-up fun is not on my agenda I will make certain concessions because I know some itches need to be scratched but under no circumstances should I be made to feel it’s my duty.

Marriage exists as a partnership. I’m not signing up for a dictatorship where some henchman lords his will over me. Nah son I don’t get down like that. As taught to me from the tender age of 5 no one fondles the pocketbook without permission. I’m sure this is etched on a holy tablet housed on the hills of Mount Sinai. So let it be written so let it be done. The same rules apply to the peen. If Mr. Snarks feels verklempt far be it from me to force vajazness on him. I respect boundaries and marital rape is a punishable offense.

Granted some body decisions are up for couple discussion. Unlike a chick I saw on Private Practice who decided her career was more important than her marriage. I’d never swallow a Plan B and kill my househusband’s chance of being a baby daddy. Not that I’d ever have a househusband, cougar I am not. Private Practice chick receives a cruel an unusual side eye with a bish please eye roll to boot. That type of body decision always requires consult in the confines of marriage. Although Pac said a man has no right to tell a woman when and where to create one I think he was referring to the hit it and quit it types.

Was that a tangent…it might have been? If you like me you know I wanders some times but I always come back full circle. Anywho to the point, going hard in the paint on commitment a la horse and carriage in no way gives my hubs unlimited access to the vajazness. What says you, does being married entitled husbands to full unlimited any time access to your lady parts? Fellas does the Mrs. have unlimited access to the peen? Does marriage mean you have to give it up on demand?

Filed under Hashish My Brother Says · Tagged with Dating, Marriage, Men, Relationships, Sex, TLB