Monday Ranting – Guilty Pleasures

How freaking kool do they look!!!!

Most days I keep my unorthodox behavior in check but like everyone, I too fall short of the glory. Sweet baby Jesus be my cross! I recognize and accept my quirk but last Friday at work I let a touch of my idiosyncrasy escape the box. Believe me, it wasn’t on purpose. It leapt out during casual conversation before I could strong arm it. My co-worker threw major shade on me, only enhancing my belief that professional and personal life need to remain mutually exclusive in my life space. Anywho my co-worker looked shocked that I get a little uneasy about the collar when men like me too much. She told me straight up no chaser that I’m weird…I wanted to say your mom but that would require a trip to HR and I need my paycheck. It’s not that I’m not fantabulous because I’m the bomb-dot-com. I just don’t understand male clinginess. Honestly I blame this on my disjointed relationship with my male parental unit. He epitomizes detachment and he does it so well. As a result I think it odd when a man swoons…it has no reference point in my chronology.

Granted that diatribe has nothing to do with what I want to talk to you about however I felt like I needed to get that off my chest after an awkward date moment last night. And I felt like you would be ok with that because y’all know how I roll. As this is the trust tree nest I feel like I can share hashish with you without major side eye. I in turn hope you feel comfy cozy enough to be just as open and share with me. Granted I may side eye you on the low but never to your face…I’m nice like that. I kid I kid.

A couple of weeks ago it was guilty pleasures week on Dancing with the Stars, DWTS for us regulars. An unfortunate conclusion of a boring arse job, resulting to online television during business hours. I’ve developed a TV habit…I have shows now…who have I become? A couple or two danced to 90’s boy bands and the forever slore, Brittany Spears. I had a, remember the 90’s moment minus the VH1 special. In any event it had me thinking about things I do or listen to that I’d rather crawl under a rock than admit. Since this blog is as far under a real rock as I’m probably going to get, me and Mom Natcha aren’t on speaking terms, I might as well make it rain.

Against my better judgment and my siddity behavior I enjoy listening to Waka Flocka Flame.

Don’t judge me! Sharing is caring. But it’s not just Waka and his Pow Pow Pow, I have an iPod playlist titled Ignant (this is far worse than ignorant) Arse Music. As ashamed as I am to admit it, this list contains my most played songs. It’s true! I should repent to someone’s holy man. In the morning before work when I tire of Rihanna and her ella ella, I switch to Ignant Arse Music. It starts with a lovely by Juvenile appropriately titled Back That Azz Up and ends quite nicely with What’s Your Fantasy by Ludacris. Before you stone me admit it, these songs are the bees knees. By saying that I know there were two angels who lost their wings but I can’t help it, it’s a party it’s a party it’s a paaaaaaarrrrrrttttaaaaayyyy!

Oh and incase you were wondering I do have Akinyele’s Put it in Ya Mouth and my must have party theme music, Fine by Jackie-O. As I type that last line all I can think is, drop that shyt and roll wid it. Someone pray for my soul.

Sometimes when I’m lonely I listen to Solomon Burke’s Cry To Me and dance with my body pillow.

This has been a recent phenomenon. My only assumption, it has a lot to do with officially kicking The Spaniard off the island. Funny thing is when I actually do my knock off Dirty Dancing-esque slow wind, no Arruh Kelly, I don’t think about The Spaniard. I actually think about the Future Ex Husband…go figure. He remains the one who got away.

Cry To Me is one of my favorite songs. For me it’s right up there with Unchained Melody, Loving You, Caught In the Rapture and No Ordinary Love, see I gets fancy. What truly makes this a guilty pleasure is the self-hug and shimmy I do while listening. Quiet as it’s kept I can get my Shug Avery shimmy on with the best of them in the comfort of my room with the door bolted and a hamper in front of it so no one can enter. Keeping up appearances is a must.

I own the complete disc set of 21 Jump Street which happens to include the first few episodes of Booker, WINNING!

In my defense this is nostalgic. Not only does it make me think about wanting to wear blue contacts, Holli Robinson was doing black chicks the world over a disservice, it also reminds me of a time before I thought Johnny Depp smelled. Until I can be proven wrong, Johnny Depp smells like a two-day-old salami sandwich baking in the sun. Not nearly as awful as Jack Black but they’re running a tight odor wrought race.

It doesn’t matter to me that the show is completely ri.damn.don.ku.lous! The departure from all things reality is part of the appeal. I think it was a bit of a prerequisite for the show’s producers. Their marching orders, conjure up something as unbelievable as a star basketball player being faithful while trapped in a ho-asis. Since no one would tune into a show where leprechauns had purple unicorns as pets we were given 20 something undercover rookie cops traipsing about high schools toting both shoulder pads and guns. What’s not to love? And not for nothing their theme song was the sugar to my kool-aid.

After revealing some of my guilty pleasures I’m sure my kool kid stock has fallen a bit. I’m comfortable with this. What says you, are you hiding a collection of superman comic books, own every NSync LP or something every crazier that I’ve never even heard of. You can share, as I mentioned up-thread we’re in the trust tree.

Side note: Did y’all check out my POTUS last night or early this morning depending on your coast? He did an I’m the absolute shyt and the urine stroll to and from the podium. I know he gave a 10 minute or so speech but in actuality all he really said was and for my haters I give you deez…deez what…deez nuts! I must admit though I am on red alert…whatever that means but that’s what I’m on.

Side note side note: Who can tell me who sang the theme song for 21 Jump Street? You won’t win a prize only my admiration.

4 Responses to “Monday Ranting – Guilty Pleasures”
  1. Ice Cold says:

    Yo, this was not only funny and entertaining. I learned more about you than I know about my last 3 dates!

    I too have a love for “ignant” music. Well played, Faith. I think you earned more cool points than ever before due to your acceptance of ignorance. Ignant music is what gets me thru the drive home during the work week. Well, that and sunflower seeds (don’t ask).

    As for the slow dancing alone and air humping your pillows… there’s an app for that, too. 😉

    • Faith M. says:

      Hey Ice,

      What I do with my pelvis and my body pillow is not for you to judge, LOL!. I don’t think I said anything about humping it though. I’m glad you too partake in ignant music. It really makes the world go round. I can’t be all educated all day long I have to have moments of pure ignance.

      Oh and bruh you must do better on these dates…are these non talking non eating chicks? Don’t tell me I’m going to our blog to find out for myself. And I will be asking about the sunflower seeds, consider yourself warned.

  2. The Insane Asylum (Mr. Chap) says:

    It’s noble of you to admit that you listen to Waka. Hopefully you wear protection. I listen to Soulja Boy when no one else is around.

    Holly Robinson sang 21 Jump Street


    • Faith M. says:

      After listening to Waka I pick up any book by Toni Morrison and read the first chapter. I need to balance my ignance with smarts.

      Yes yes yes you win my admiration for knowing that Holly Robinson sang the hook.

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