Yoga is Practical – The Balancing Act of a Quasi Superwoman

Trust me it's not as easy as it looks!!!

Typically for beginners, balancing asanas are extremely challenging. Knowing this and my clumsiness propensity, when I started yoga, I envisioned a lot of falling in my future. Considering it’s a struggle to sometimes stay upright and in posture with two feet firmly planted on the ground the notion of standing on one sort of frightened me. Unfortunately I had little time to embrace that fright because as my yoga instructor likes to warn at the beginning of each and every one of her sessions, this class is advanced so if you think it’s gonna be too much for you the gym offers a beginner class on Saturday. Since my hair affair takes place on Saturday that wasn’t an option. I don’t mind so much being the novice swimming in a sea of experts because I have Nurse Friend there to laugh with and at me.

My favorite balancing asana is Tree. Not because I’m particularly good at it, which I am but because much like downward facing dog it brings me back to center. Tree pose strengthens your thighs, calves, ankles and spine while stretching the inner thighs and groin. Of course it also improves your balance. Every week the instructor forces us to hold the pose a little longer. Believe me 45 seconds never felt so long. On its face balancing seems like the easiest of all the asanas but as I’ve come to realize the more you focus on balancing the harder it actually is to remain in posture.

These days I’m slightly off center or as a co-worker likes to put it I’m off my square. After leaving my high-powered, high-paying, high-stress consulting gig I stumbled into a whole mess of hashish in my personal life. I like to envision my personal life as organized dysfunction. Maybe on some level I embrace the scatter-brained-ness of it all because I’m just so used to it being that way. Part of my dysfunctional comfort comes from the fact that I struggle with what I truly want for the future.

In the past, I was comfortable with my professional life always a leg ahead of the race…maybe not so much anymore. A Russian woman I met doing business told me that it doesn’t matter how smart I am or how much money I make if I come home to nothing but a fantabulous shoe collection. She might be on to something but shoes make me happy so I’m not 100% sold. Unfortunately I don’t really have the luxury of time to test her hypothesis, you know turning 30 (in September) and all. I assume I’ve probably got 5 more good years before my eggs dry up and leave my womb no country for little babies, me no know. I’ve read the stories of women popping out miracle brats at 50, but who the hell wants to be known as the mom who could double as granny. Judging by the rest of the world I’m already a little tardy for the party. Hell, I’d like to continue my delusions of future milf-dom.

By 29, Wander had two babies and a husband. What the deuces am I doing wrong…I drops down and gets my eagle on from time to time. While the two babies just sounds like saggy breasts and a stretched out cooter the husband might not be so bad. As we all know I avoid manual labor as much as Jack Black avoids showers. Having a strong gent around to carry hashish just makes sense. I’d repay him by avoiding conversation during his designated favorite sport season and providing occasional hot meals. We know I’m not a woman for the kitchen but I will do my best. Don’t confuse that with the inability to cook, cause I throws it down. I just don’t care for cooking, much like sub par sexy time I’d rather read a book.

While I wade through the decision of postponing the hubby search and whether kids even make sense in my lifespace I’m still a bit wobbly on the career front. Based on the societal milestones written on an invisible tablet stored in my subconscious for good keeping I’m not at the right mile marker. Being nothing but a midget sneeze away from dirty 30 I haven’t accomplished half of what I thought I would. Granted I created this list at 15 and who at 15 really knows what she wants. At that age I thought I wanted to be Matlock and Clueless was the best movie ever created…so you gauge my mental state! Clearly it was impossible to be Matlock as I’m not white or a man, don’t judge me. Not that I’d wish to be either one of those things now. Which isn’t to say there’s anything inherently wrong with being white (me likey my natural tan) or being a man (being easily distracted by sweater monsters is stoopid). Matlock made being a lawyer seem like the business. Yes he wore a horrible suit but he was sharp as a muthafrigging tack!

Adding to my professional mayheim and foolishness I decided I want to go to grad school. While I knew there’d be some changes in my professional life stepping down from rock star status I wasn’t prepared for the absolute boredom. An armless baboon high on cannabis might find my current gig stimulating but me, not so much. Challenge is key. I’m using my excess brainpower to study for the GMAT. After cracking open the study guide I realized I’ve been out of high school for a long arse time, and not in a good way. Honestly speaking, and I’ve been in the business world for some time, no one is ever going to ask me to solve a quadratic equation (6×2 + 11x – 35 = 0, you know in case you’re rusty too). Unless I moonlight as a math professor dominatrix this is utterly useless knowledge right up there with knowing that Brad Pitt appeared in an episode of 21 Jumpstreet in 1988. See but that last tidbit of useless information might be the bean tipping the victory scale for your Trivial Pursuit team, booyah!

Balancing as a modern day superwoman ain’t easy. There’s pressure to achieve in all aspects of life. I’m not WINNING unless I’m some kind of Executress (executive and seductress combo), with a husband molded from Adonis DNA working on 2.5 children. With so many balls in the air it’s way possible to tip to the left and fall right out of my tree posture.

What about you, have you struck a comfortable balance between your work and home life? Do you feel outside pressure to go bigger, get better and have more? And please solve the quadratic equation, thanks kindly.

4 Responses to “Yoga is Practical – The Balancing Act of a Quasi Superwoman”
  1. I’m a nerd, so you went right after my heart with the quadratic equation. I got x =-23/11

    Did you know the ant has the largest brain in the insect and animal kingdom, in proportion to its size?

    Marriage is overrated. You’re living the American dream. You like shoes, don’t you? Wanna keep liking ’em? Husbands don’t like the wives’ shoe game. 🙂

    • Faith M. says:

      LOL I was only joking with the equation but my hat is tipped off to you for solving it. And yes I did know that an ant has the largest brain relative to its size. See I’m just a wealth of useless trivial pursuit knowledge. I don’t know why or how I know these things I just do.

      I can’t speak to whether marriage is overrated since I’ve never been a part of a union but I hold out hope it’s not the fun zapper it sometimes appears to be.

      Side note: I always thought that men appreciated women in nice shoes.

  2. Funny.

    1. Since the change of addy, your voice is clearer.

    2. Me & 2 girlfriends just mapped out the next quarter of our life w/a plethora of goals & a commitment to check in w/1 another on progress. See, we also thought we’d be at different milestones than we are now & feel somewhat behind the learning curve. I’ve been raised to be practical all my life. While my sanity depends on routines, I’m BEYOND bored w/my own predictability. It’s time to push my own envelope. Grad school it is. Home ownership w/questionable duckets? Yup, bout to get out here & try. If I fuck it up…enhh, not the end of the world.

    It’s time to live, cuz there are a whole lot of folks out here dying of nothingness & stagnation. Not gon’ be me.

    • Faith M. says:

      Hola Aweez,

      My mind isn’t as muddy these days which is helping in so many ways.

      I wouldn’t say I was raised practical but I would say I embrace practicality. I am never one to take a risk where I can’t see the immediate future. But I do know that the bigger the stakes the higher the returns. Embracing the unpredictability of life is probably the way to go. I’m not saying go completely ass out crazy but always doing the same thing will yield the same results. Something new would be nice for a change. No one can make this life great but me so I gotta go out there and get it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: